The Hollow-Stemmed Pilsner Glass

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Critical Analysis #1

The Hollow-Stemmed Pilsner Glass

Ted Reynolds
Member

since 1999-12-15

Posts 331

0 posted 2000-03-31 01:52 PM

THE HOLLOW-STEMMED PILSNER GLASS

He stared at her fingers curving around the hollow stem of the glass.
Somehow he hadn't the strength to raise his eyes to see her face.
His gaze fastened with a desperate intensity on those fingers.
She was still speaking to him, but it didn't come clearly.
He focussed on the stem, and willed everything to stop.
Her fingers were so long and supple and sensitive.
Maybe she wanted him to say something in reply.
The narrow glass rose burning in his vision.
Her hands were twisting it back and forth.
There wasn't anything that he could say.
A dark liquid slithered in the glass.
Almost her grip might shatter it.
Now her fingers slipped away.
He still couldn't look up.
She had stood up now.
She said something.
The glass stayed.
He didn't move.
She left.
Wait.
No

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2000-03-31 02:15 PM

Hi Ted,

I really enjoyed this one. So often these visual poems have not content. Yours not only was strikingly visual but I could imagine this scene almost as vividly as if I had been there. In fact, I think I have been there. Excellent insight and imagery. I had a small stumble in the 12th line but it was so small in light of the rest of the poem that I won't point it out. Probably just me anyway.

Thanks much.

Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe

captaincargo
Member

since 1999-11-25

Posts 109
Corning, N.Y. U.S.A.

2 posted 2000-03-31 02:17 PM

Wow, you are definitely on a roll Ted!

Again, I found this almost as fascinating as the Amish Buggy.

Two lines I particularly liked were:

He focussed on the stem, and willed everything to stop.

AND:

The narrow glass rose burning in his vision.

For some freudian reason I kept trying to change the word "sensitive" to "sensual"

But that's me.

Another superb effort! My hat is off to you once again.

Cap.
Atheism is a "Non-Prophet" organization!

Cap. Carg.

Marq
Member

since 1999-10-18

Posts 222

3 posted 2000-03-31 07:43 PM

Builds well, but I thought some of the wording was inexact, even for a Mickey
Spillane-type plot! Good read though!

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