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Critical Analysis #1
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Our Funny Dog (revised and reposted from the workshop)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Our Funny Dog (revised and reposted from the workshop) |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
This was my first attempt at free verse, written for the workshop. The lovely and talented Warmhrt offered some advice and I have tried to fix it up along those lines. I take full responsibility for anything wrong in it and give her most of the credit for anything right.  Thanks so much, Kristine.Our Funny Little Dog He was a funny little dog, I mean a funny sight, A sort of dirty black, tangled mass Of what looked more like lint Than hair or fur, But we knew him as A loveable fuzzball. Oh, he did his share Of funny things too, Pretending to not eat Until I got on all four As if to attack his dish -- We called that "play food" -- A silly little game but He liked making me do that, Power, I think. Then there was my daughter's Very large stuffed lion, Four times his size and ferocious, But he was never to shy or timid To, well, sniff its backside, I'm sure with romance On his mind. And he was smart, Knew how to do about Anything he wanted and Knew how to work us, His human pets, pretty well But he never could remember to Watch for those razor-like claws On his cat lurking on the chair He was running under Until too late. Slash. Again. He climbed into his bed early Most nights so he could awake early To be my alarm clock next morning -- I'd feel a thump as he hit my bed, Or maybe a warm lick on my hand He took that job seriously -- But that night, when I had to help Him into his little red bed, I somehow knew he wouldn't Wake me tomorrow. < !signature--> Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 03-30-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Sweet Pete, You've done a good job of revising, and produced a 'sweet as you' tale of how much a household pet can really become one of the family. When we lose them, the grief can be similar to losing any other family member, though usually not as intense or longlasting. The ending was touching...the entire story well-told. Free verse can be a challenge to one who usually writes structured verse (and vice-versa), but I think you did a fine job here, Pete. Kris P.S. You're very welcome, and you give me much too much credit. the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Hyperion New Member
since 1999-11-26
Posts 7Corning, N.Y. |
This was very endearing and the ending pulled mightily on my heartstrings. A very well done free verse. |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Excellent choice of descriptive elements. It touches the heart. |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
P~ My only suggestion would be to title the poem, Scruffy or Pongo or whatever the name of the dog is. Just seemed a little redundant to read the title and then the first line. Otherwise, good job. I like the effort you put into making this better (from the first time I saw it posted). best regards, bboog |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Kris, how could I give you too much credit?  But thanks all for responding. As you can probably guess, this was a factual story. We lost the little guy about 10 years ago so it does seem that the little critters leave their marks. We can also tell who are the hopeless sentimentalists can't we? Well, thanks again. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Pete: There is nothing sentimentalistic about losing your dog, Pete. This one almost made me forget about the "importance" of being macho. The unexpected ending hit me right in the gut. You ought to consider writing more free-verse, Pete. I'm not saying give up the structured stuff (you KNOW I would never suggest such a thing) but you told this one so well that I think it is worthwhile for you to give free-verse another go. Nothing wrong with being well-rounded, right? Nice work, Pete.Jim |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I really don't know how I wrote this but a few lines and thoughts came to me on the drive to work one day. I had been struggling with the free verse assignment in Nan's workshop and it was near deadline time. Well, most of it then came pretty quickly as I remembered some of the little guy's pranks and mentaly wrote them down. The first write clearly showed that it was hastily done but Kristine kindly pointed out that it was pretty wordy and could be improved by trimming. I showed the original version to my wife. She read and I watched her smile as she also remembered those little things and short times. Then she got to the end and I saw tears in her eyes and she didn't say anything. Well, sorry to go sentimental on you guys but that's pretty much the whole story. And, Jim, I'll probably try some more but right now I still have several structured things working. Thanks. Pete |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Funny Little Dog Despair at the fool~ Even mild cats bully him! Yet we love him so... okay,this is not very well done but i hope this is an appropriate tribute to ur dog ")[This message has been edited by kaile (edited 04-05-2000).] |
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