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my first limerick--is it funny?:)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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my first limerick--is it funny?:) |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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My love for Winnie the cat has taken root For her fur's as black as soot I place tiny pink boots tenderly on my honey dear So that all mice may hear and live in fear Yet she sits smugly,hooting sweetly to her foot! |
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| © Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Kaile, That's cute, light and funny enough but you missed the limerick form somewhat. Here is a good working definition. Limerick A light or humorous verse form of five chiefly anapestic verses of which lines one, two and five are of three feet and lines three and four are of two feet, with a rhyme scheme of aabba. The limerick, named for a town in Ireland of that name, was popularized by Edward Lear in his Book of Nonsense published in 1846. As you can see, you have way too many syllables in there. If I may chop up your work a bit, this is how it might look trimmed down to fit the format of a limerick. My love for the cat's taken root For her fur is as black as the soot I place boots on the dear So that mice live in fear Yet she sits smugly eyeing her foot! This of course loses a lot but you can get the idea of the form. Keep at it but don't expect these things to ever be taken too seriously  < !signature--> Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 03-23-2000).] |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Not really a limerick, but cute enough. My own only memorable limerick is also about feet -- Your toe bends both ways, it is true. It must be the way that it grew. But I've got to say "Drat! What's a joint like that Doing on a girl like you?" |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well guys, I once wrote a set of limericks, not about feet but Ted, I notice yours is also about a girl (one of my favorite subjects). All right, I won't inflict the whole set on you but mine starts off with: I once knew a girl with curled hair Who to me was the fairest of fair; She became my dear friend But it all had to end; Now she's gone and I don't know where. OK Kaile, now its your turn again. Or can we interest anyone else in these little things? < !signature--> Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 03-23-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
My quick attempt kaile: My Winnie the cat is like soot Her fur is jet black to the root I place bells on her claws And a horn in her paws So the mice are all warned by toot hoot. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
LOL. Cute poem, Kaile. What can I add to this? I think the gentlemen and Philip above have offered some excellent advice and Pete as thoroughly defined the limerick. I guess all I can do is add mine to the list: Pool ol' Jim only wanted some fun When he ate beans and dogs by the ton But to his grand dismay He discovered that day Why two colons are better than one.  Later.  Jim |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
"I think the gentlemen and Philip ....." Kaile, he has this kinda delusion that he's funny (or should that be illusion?) P |
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Kirsty24 Junior Member
since 2000-03-24
Posts 40Australia |
Hi kaile, I have never been one that is big on limericks, however I founds your amusing... I can not compete with guys and pass on any that I knw as most of them are quite crude that were made up by drunken male friends.. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
thank you everyone for ur forthright comments.....i really appreciate it... ")here's my revised version: My love for Winnie has taken root For her fur is as black as soot Tender loving boots on honey dear All mice go "AUGGH" and fear Yet smugly she sits,hooting to her foot! pls tell me whether this is a better read or does this require further revision?? ")thank you Not a Poet for explaining how the limerick works....and i will like to read the set of limericks about the girl....i suspect there's more to it...LOL Kudos to Ted and jbouder for ur responses...i do hope one day i will be able to write limericks with the use of rhyming words that don't SPELL the same too.... thank u Poertree for ur version..it's better than mine but i can't use it cos it won't be my own work anymore....I'm glad my feeble attempt has made you write such a good piece ")TQ everyone once again ")[This message has been edited by kaile (edited 03-25-2000).] |
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