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A Post Tropical Equation
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A Post Tropical Equation |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA 
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I have tasted morning dew dripped from bright canopies of bromeliads. I have lain and blistered beneath equatorial sun, bathed beside shadows of the harvest moon. I have worshipped the goddess and she has returned to worship me. I come now, unworn, untainted; quietly unadorned. Lay my head in your lap and break bread at your table, receiving communion from a shared and crystal glass. Mornings open like a book, a testament to the new. Renewed, we bathe in sheets blooming fresh beneath the tropical canopy above our bed. [This message has been edited by haze (edited 03-20-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Haze McElhenny - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
What an image ms. haze... morning dew dripped from bright canopies of bromelaids.... lain and blistered beneath equatorial sun... searing passion... lust and soulmate love all entwined and gushing... bathe in sheets blooming fresh... what power! what rythm...and the incedental rhyme was sauce... |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Haze, Good to hear from you again. I hope Brad understands but, as always, I really don't know how to critique your poetry. Your words and lines just seem to fit together like they should and the whole thing just slides off the tongue. Very well done. Thanks. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Hi Again LR HELLO PETE Thank you Thank you...Brad should like this too. I actually feel feverish, please note the punctuation and syntax (~gasp~) So I'll blush and go-thanking you two poets yet again TA my friends ~haze |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
H~ Sensuous and sexy. This poem, I think, might work better if you keep it in the present tense. It would, I think, make the goddess seem more alive, but this is your poem. Hopefully, you won't hate me for suggesting it. Also "receiving communion from a shared and crystal glass." seemed a tad off (to me) I had the feeling that some hanky-panky was going on and didn't understand what the glass was doing there. Perhaps "receiving communion from shared fingers and lips as shiny as glass" anyway, it's got a nice sexy mood to it. Keep on writing! bboog |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Haze, Wish I had written this...just returned from a place fitting your description...done so very well, by the way. I loved the line about the bromelaids (brought a baby one home). I can also relate to lying and blistering beneath the sun (my skin is now peeling off of my shoulders). The rest is pure Haze...as only she could write. Kris< !signature--> Let compassion breathe in and out of you filling you with poems. ~ Jane Cooper [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 03-20-2000).] |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
-bboog Thank you for the read-The entire poem is not present tense because-It's not about a present tense. "Hanky-Panky" going on is just not me-It's a ribbon of sensuality-seeing (feeling) everything as an almost sensual experience. The breakdown follows: "I have tasted morning dew dripped from bright canopies of bromeliads. I have lain and blistered beneath equatorial sun, bathed beside shadows of the harvest moon. I have worshipped the goddess and she has returned to worship" This stanza says basically that I went somewhere that was lush and tropical, where the dew was dripped from a canopy of bright and brilliant colors-well What it is- I was in Saint Lucia (20 years ago) and recently wrote a (prose) piece about it. Poems too. So, I am returning from this place-then or now-you decide. "me. I come now, unworn, untainted; quietly unadorned. Lay my head in your lap and break bread at your table, receiving communion from a shared and crystal glass. Mornings open like a book, a testament to the new. Renewed, we bathe in sheets blooming fresh beneath the tropical canopy above our bed." This means that I am sharing something with someone(un-named/position to be devined by the reader)and return from (that place) where the prose/poetry/musing occurred and am now planting myself back among the domestic and I am as I was before.I am unscathed ny the wanderings (*S* more or less) -If you are going to read me-please take yourself out of the literal and let yourself flow into the deeper layers. "Hanky-Panky" is more than sheets and lips- ANYWAY I hope this helps to unravel the confusion. To use your phrase "receiving communion from shared fingers and lips as shiny as glass" just would be too normal-*g* I guess I would like you to read my work with an aura of sensuality, more like the "Twilight Zone" than "When Harry Met Sally" Reality?-I simply park it elsewhere but I have sheeves of that too. Thank you again-God I hate being so literal. TA ~haze |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
...and to my friend Kristine- that I have written a work that you wish you had written is a compliment I hold to my heart. Thank you. Thank you. To be someplace so filled with color and light is pure magic and worth the burn- Always Thank You My Friend Til Again ~haze |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
H~ In response to your response, when you wrote, "I have worshipped the goddess and she has returned to worship me. I come now, unworn, untainted; quietly unadorned." I am reading that you are in bed with another woman. If you want me to think it could be with any person, you might want to clarify this a little bit. Perhaps "I have worshipped the goddess, and have returned to worship you." Because when you follow it with, "Lay my head in your lap and break bread at your table," more sexual connotations evolve. One eats at a table, right? It's just when you say, "receiving communion from a shared and crystal glass." that the natural progression (to me) seems to have changed. The crystal glass seems out of place, which is why I thought that "receiving communion from shared fingers" might work better. You know what you want to say, the challenge is to help some of us (dimwitted) readers understand. best regards, bboog |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
bboog- I have worshipped the goddess (okay-female yes) but where does the bed come in to that? Amused I am to be a muse... I went to a tropical place-(the muse) was a female bore worm that wound its way into my brain-creating such a state of madness that the pain became a pleasure...now the bore worm (female muse) inside of my brain has once again pierced whatever is left in the frontal lobe of and is giving me spasms causing me to write like Anais Nin (almost) layers and layers of prose...However I escaped the confining claws of such pleasure and laid my head in the lap of reality...being human-I eat and drink this reality shared BUT Each morning (because I am a writer) I return to that tropical place and pound out the digest of experience and passion...even within the pages of a new day-because it is prose-it needs attention-even if I have to live with my head in the lap of reality- Every night when I go to bed (that same tropical-bore worm of a muse) who happens to be female just because she has the propensity to lay eggs (and does frequently birth many) she hangs in my brain and gives me visions of tropical delight- swirling colors, oceans of blue breezes, fronds of green passion and fruit from ripe hands.... Can you move out of the sexual and into the sensual-can you move out of bed or at least push the pillow this way or that? DAMN my back hurts. I don't think you're dimwitted BTW I think we just have different styles...So  I hope this helpsExcuse any typos (I am the world's worst speller) TA ~haze  |
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