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Critical Analysis #1

I"ts Not Right !!!

Chico
Member

since 2000-02-10

Posts 67

0 posted 2000-03-20 09:20 PM

I'ts not right !!

It's not right !
  I'ts not fair.
That I have to fight.
  to breath for air...
Why is it light,
  When you are there?
Then it turns dark as night.
  to dark to bear.

How can you say goodnight,
  without a trace of care?
Leacing me alone in fright..
  That your dreams I'll never share.
Why do you get a green light.
  And get to go everywhere?
Whe I get a red light,
  And can't go anywhere?
You get to go left and right,
  Or anywhere you dare...
But I have to follow my headlight.
  And stay on the throughfare.

I'ts just not right.
  I want to Tell you I care.
But I'm afraid I might.
  Just get a glare...
So I'll just stay out of sight,
  and sit here and stare.
Hoping some day god might.
  Answer my prayer...

tom
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 90
s/w penna u.s.a.

1 posted 2000-03-20 10:09 PM

chico
Your poem read (to me)as if you had rap music
playing in the background.I liked what you were saying,full of life,just a little hard
to relax and read. Just my opinion.
tom

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

2 posted 2000-03-21 01:02 PM

Chico:

My main problem with this poem is that it doesn't tell me anything about the person responsible for all of this anxiety. You have some interesting images in here. I liked the "green light/red light/left or right/thoroughfare" idea. Perhaps you could build on this a little bit, focusing on specifics rather than generalities. Also be careful with typos. They tend to draw the reader's attention away from the poem and to the error. Just my opinion.

Jim

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