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Awe--a concrete poem
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Awe--a concrete poem |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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I(a red R O S E in g r a s s p a t c h) catch ing |
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| © Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Not giving much to slice and dice here, are you, Kaile?  I liked this. "I ... catching" (supposed to get the idea of "eye catching", I suspect) set apart by the parenthetical "red ROSE in grasspatch". There are a few ways to read this: (1) The red rose is eye catching and (2) and "I" being the "red rose" speaking. Pretty clever work.  Jim |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Kaile, Too clever for me this time. You're gonna have to 'splain this one for me. Geez, I must be getting too old. This is the second time today I completely missed the point. I agree with Jim about it being clever and "eye catching." Oh man, was that the whole point. (slaps self up side the head) Thanks. Pete. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
LOL. Relax Pete. There is plenty of time left for the both of us before senility fully sets in. Now Philip on the other hand ... |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
ye,it's supposed to mean eye-catching--glad you got it ')how about one more way to read this 3)i catch a red ROSE in a grass patch(meaning i see this red rose) hmm..never thought of "I" being the red rose speaking...really glad for your insight,jbouder |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Kaile Nice little poem using form. Presumably you put ROSE in uppercase to make it more eye-catching? Have you ever read any of Dylan Thomas's diamond shaped poems? Oh and by the way .. what am i missing ... why the Title? Anyway well done. Jim, you ought to know that the number of times you've travelled round the sun actually has very little to do with your "age" . Anyway can't stop now to debate this, gotta get down to the post office. Now where's that dratted pension book? ... can't find my specs ....... lost the g.......am stick ... .....Philip |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
well,i put ROSE in uppercase so as to represent it as this horizontal stalk standing alone in the grass patch..... okay,actually Awe is my title.i had some mistaken impression that this form of poetry is known as "concrete poetry" Hmmm...am i right? |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Kaile lol ... to the stalk and "I haven't a clue!!" to the concrete .. Jim will know though .... ? P |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Guys: "Jim will know though .... ?" "CONCRETE POETRY Poetry which forms a structurally original visual shape, preferably abstract, through the use of reduced language, fragmented letters, symbols and other typographical variations to create an extreme graphic impact on the reader's attention. The essence of concrete poetry lies in its appearance on the page rather than in the written text; it is intended to be perceived as a visual whole and often cannot be effective when read aloud." |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
huh .. knowitall ..... Ta Jimteach ...... "Jimteach" ! I ask you what's the world coming to? ....lol P |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
kaile, Very original...interesting...eye-catching, even. Philip, Whaddya mean what's this world coming to...just because you called Jim one of my nicknames for him? It would be that terrible if you inadvertantly used one of my figures of speech? Or is it that you refuse to acknowledge (to Jim) that he could teach us all quite a bit? One of those male pride things I don't quite understand? Enlighten me, please, Philip. Kris Let compassion breathe in and out of you filling you with poems. ~ Jane Cooper |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Well, gotta agree with the rest of the critiques, good work Kaile, loved the poem....although I'm disappointed it's not long enough for me to cut and paste I wish I could add more but honestly I have no suggestions for improvement. Thanks for the read, take care,Trevor |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
And you thought Trevor and Jim were off the hook here. Ha!!! Trev, You don't have to try to improve the poem. What about ideas that concern concret poems in general? What about new ideas? Don't limit yourself. What ideas popped into your head as you were reading it? Did it work for you instantly? Stuff like that. Brad |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Brad, As Steven Seagal once said, "no one is above the law.", your right about asking those questions. "What about ideas that concern concret poems in general?" I think their fascinating in format and definetly read better then they verbally translate. "What about new ideas?" After reading it I thought of ways to incorperate such a format into my poetry, perhaps not just a concrete poem but a concrete poem within another format as well. "Did it work for you instantly?" Yes, painted the picture I think Kaile was going for. THis poem reminds me of haiku in its minimalist approach, yet having layers. So get the hell off my back Brad!!! J/K. Thanks for making me think even more about this poem, take care,Trevor |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
And you thought Brad was off the hook here. Ha!!! Bradley: What about ideas that concern concret [sic -- heh-heh] poems in general? What about new ideas? Don't limit yourself. What ideas popped into your head as you were reading it? Did it work for you instantly? Stuff like that. Jim |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Oh, oh. Her Jim goes with that "Bradley" stuff again. |
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