»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
His Soul Imaged Early Morn
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
His Soul Imaged Early Morn |
|
|
Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
His Soul Imaged Early Morn the tranquility of the early morn brings visions of his face, flashing fire, burning heart , timeless river prowling pools among the rushes, soul to me both a mystery and a dream. the waters rolled, shafts of quiet suspended evening light weary worn faded memory. clouds flew by carried me, one darkenss past another waters wild, dew drops glistening on a river glen. cast away my sorrows rested dream suspended in his gentleness, breath of spring, softness of a feather lonely laughter in his lovers hands. comfort him bowed in sorrow willow dripping misted fog, his unquiet dreams drifting daylight clinging anxious in his sleep. butterflies blossomed flight gulls flew silver winged, found solitude, faint odours in the air, my ancient dreams dusted down a river road spirit grew finding god again lighting candles, starlight gleamed. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Diana B - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
you have some lovely imagery in here Diana... my ancient dreams dusted down a river road spirit grew finding god again lighting candles, starlight gleamed. I think those lines are superb. One thing I noticed which jars the poem a little is some of the punctuation. I think this comma may be out solely due to copy and paste: flashing fire, burning heart , timeless so I'm not referring to that just incase you thought so, no, it is the fullstop (period) in this line: to me both a mystery and a dream. and others that follow. I feel that if you are going to use them it might be a good idea to make the following sentence's first word begin with a Capital or omit them. All in all the soft melodic flow of this piece carries across your purpose and intent very well. I think you have done a good job! K 'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
||
|
Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
severn...how very nice of you to comment...i usually use no punctuation or capitalization at all...leave it to the reader to have to do a second read to put their own spin on it...why i used some here i really cant remember...perhaps it was because im in a new forum and thought i needed it...thanks for your comment about the softness...that was my intention to caress my lovers heart with my images of him... |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
You're very welcome Diana...  I am the same - I write exclusively freeverse and find little need for both - in fact I wrote a poem for my Soul sister Dark Angel about capitals and what happens when you overuse them - lol, perhaps I should post it in here sometime just to see what people think.  K 'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
