»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
The prophet
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
The prophet |
|
|
Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
A world full of prophets False prophets all spewing **** from their mouths. They try to impose, even dispose of others who don’t believe the color of their **** There is a prophet that walks among us today he weaves and wanders amidst the crowds faceless and without a voice Among the children he resides While the homeless speak of his legend. He visits the sick through their dreams they feel him, never quite knowing him until the last breath escapes their already alien gray bodies If you look into a crowd, anonymously, he will be starting back at you with eyes that look like your mind If you listen to the false prophets listen to their **** You can hear his voice it sounds like the silence between their words. The false prophets they want your attention your devotion, your praise and return nothing He wants nothing and returns everything I touched him once with my hands in a dream, since then I hold him like a prisoner in my consciousness and yet never posses him |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Anthony Di Bartolomeo - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
Hey tony, what's up. I found this poem a bit unfocussed in theme and expression. Firstly, i don't think you need to use swear words, simply because the language you use doesn't really suit it. the swear words kind of sit like oil in water, it just doesn't suit the poem. The other thing is i didn't really understand who are the false prophets, it wasn't really made that clear, are you saying all prophets are false or just some prophets are. A bit unclear. Because of this the poem didn't flow for me, i wasn't sure if there was a particular false prophet you were getting at, or if you were denouncing all false prophets. j the second to last stanza, confused me a bit "the false prophets They want your attention Your praise, your devotion and return nothing He wants nothing And returns everything" The last two lines seem to contradict what you were saying earlier. If you want to get the impact of the paradox maybe something like False prophets Want your attention Praise Devotion But won't return it For fear they will be considered prophets Highlight the emptiness of a false prophet a little more. Hope this helped a bit. Marc |
||
|
Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
I do understand that you are talking about one true prophet among many false ones. Maybe it was when you put both together in one stanza, that it got a little unclear which you were speaking about. I find your descriptions of the true prophet -- "with eyes that look like your mind . . . his voice . . . sounds like the silence between their words" very fine and evocative. The description of the false prophets, however, I don't find as fresh or interesting. I feel that's been overdone in almost the same words before. And I agree that the profanity is not necessary in this one. |
||
|
Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Gentlemen First and foremost thank you for comments. Let's first look at the swear words. Everytime i post this poem or others with swear words most people get upset or say they are unnecessary. I used swear because they are not expected.I use them sort of a like a mental shake. Why a mental shake? So that you can be present to the remainder of the poem. Maybe it doesn't work. As far as which prophets are false and which prophets are not I leave that to the reader. What I wanted the reader to get from the poems is that the prophet I am talking about is the "truth". If you re-read the poem with this in mind maybe it will make sense. Maybe I was to cryptic. But, I really want the reader to look further into this poem. Thanks Again gentleman |
||
|
Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Just a word on cuss words. They are SO common, they do NOT shake anybody into attention any more. They either anger them or bore them, that's all. If I call my enemy a bastard, he gets angry and nobody else cares. If I say (stolen from a GREAT writer, Theodore Sturgeon) "the arrangement of your chromosomes would have amazed your father," he gets REALLY angry (when he figures it out and I'm already several blocks away) and everybody else laughs at him. Which is more effective, to call someone's poem (definitely not yours) "****", or to say that he "slops words in a trough" or is a "slobbering pimp of rhyme," to make up a couple. See? A *poet* should find new forms of expression. Find words that will become unprintable in the future because of the way you use them, THAT'S being a poet! End of tirade. |
||
|
Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
ah the swear word discussion...let the poet use his own choice of words to express the truth as he sees it...they dont bother me those "offensive" words...my interst was captured by your theme and i think you made it extremely clear and readable...i got it easily and im no rocket scientist... |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
