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Garden of Splendor
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Garden of Splendor |
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Joanna T. Lopez Junior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 33El Paso, Texas |
It's that time again, 6:00 a.m. In the midst of July, As the sun breaks through, Sitting quietly as they prepare to fly. Questions are answered when one Looks far and beyond, searching Blue skies, translucent To the naked eye. Silence. Soothing. If one were to listen closely, You can hear the clouds As they make their way Towards a new day, a new beginning. Traces of sunlight, the warmth it emits, Peaks through the windows When clouds will permit! Birds of all types, Singing their songs so the garden can dance. The vast array of colors only to enhance. Memosas and zinnias, four o'clocks too, Lantana, petunias, what a spectacular view! Wysteria, marigolds, canas and roses, trees of splendor, angels their vendor. Magnificent butterflies of Jet black and blue, various reptiles habitat it too, a garden of flowers, this garden their zoo. Shimmering diamonds scatter about As the winged ones bathe and frolick at play. Fanning their wings, primping them full, As they ready themselves for the hot summer day. A ritual at sunrise, patiently waiting, A witness of life emerging In the garden of splendor. [This message has been edited by Joanna T. Lopez (edited 03-12-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Joanna T. Lopez - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Joanna: Sorry it took me so long to get to this. You have some colorful images here, Joanna. "It's that time again, 6:00 a.m. In the midst of July, As the sun breaks through, Sitting quietly as they prepare to fly." The way "Sitting quietly" is positioned in your sentence, it could appear that the sun is sitting quietly. It is also unclear who "they" are. I think "they" could range from birds, to angels, to passengers in an airplane. "Questions are answered when one Looks far and beyond, searching Blue skies, translucent To the naked eye." What questions? I suspect, from your last line, is that you mean "questions of life". Did I get it right? "Silence. Soothing. If one were to listen closely, You can hear the clouds" I like the imagery. Only thing I see is your shift from an impersonal pronoun "one" to a personal pronoun "you". It is best to keep them consistent. "As they make their way Towards a new day, a new beginning. Traces of sunlight, the warmth it emits, Peaks through the windows" I think "Traces ... peak". I could be wrong, though. When clouds will permit! "Birds of all types, Singing their songs so the garden can dance. The vast array of colors only to enhance." You may want to reword this to read: "Birds of all types Singing their songs so the garden can dance In a vast array of colors that enhance The garden's beauty." I only suggest this to help give "enhance" an object of focus. "Memosas and zinnias, four o'clocks too, Lantana, petunias, what a spectacular view!" Nice images. Small typo on Mimosas. "Wysteria, marigolds, canas and roses, trees of splendor, angels their vendor." Again, very nice images. "Magnificent butterflies of Jet black and blue, various reptiles habitat it too, a garden of flowers, this garden their zoo." I like these lines. The word "habitat", however, is a noun. You want to go with "inhabit" instead. "Shimmering diamonds scatter about As the winged ones bath and frolick at play. Fanning their wings, primping them full, As they ready themselves for the hot summer day." I wouldn't change a thing about these lines. Nice imagery. "A ritual at sunrise, patiently waiting, A witness of life emerging In the garden of splendor." I like your ending too. Be careful with grammar and punctuation. A minor grammatical mistake or misused punctuation can draw attention away from the substance of the poem. Thanks for the read. Jim |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I agree with Jim...you have some wonderful imagery in this. Thanks for the read.  |
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
wonderful imagery vibrant colors dancing through my head...loved the all's right with the world feeling of this. |
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Inspirations New Member
since 2000-03-13
Posts 5 |
Again, great imagery! You're obviously a woman of the garden, able to convey the images as you do. I look forward to reading your other works to perhaps see how you tie them into life, imitating art. Such as the garden and it's splendorous growth as life emits such beautifully creations throughout, in its short time. Again, looking forward to reading more of your works! Inspirations. |
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