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What I Want
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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What I Want |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
Most people think girls want The prince charming, The shining knight on the white charger… But that's not enough for me. I want a man I can sit on the Couch with at night, with all the lights off, Listening to a CD of beautiful piano music, Not saying a word or doing a thing, just sitting… Just being with each other and the music. I want a man who can walk on the beach with me At dawn, or at dusk, playing in the surf, Or just letting the water lap our toes. I want someone who knows my inner harbors As well as my outer squalls. I want someone who fills me with his voice, With his touch… A symphony of a man, whose basses thrum In perfect rhythm, cellos and violas in his voice, The piano his soul, the violins and harp Echoing the things in me that I Can't Bring myself to say out loud. I want a man to argue with me in complete silence. I want to hunger for him like a woman with child Hungers for the one thing most outrageous and exotic. I need someone who can complete me In ways only understood in music, In the unspoken songs of wood and strings and hands and bodies. I want someone to challenge me to be my own symphony, Echoing the songs of the constellations with my soul, With my entire being, until I thrum with all the Magic of life and earth and growing things And the rhythm of the ocean. I want waves and surf and symphonies… The crashing of two great souls like thunderheads Meeting to bring rain to the barren earth. I want to feel the greatness in me expand To fill my entire body, until it leaks out, Running down my face in salt tears of joy. [This message has been edited by Wendy Flora (edited 03-02-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Wendy Flora - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Wendy, When I first started reading, I immediately thought of offering myself. But after a few lines, I realized that I am probably not a suitable candidate. Besides that, my wife really doesn't allow me to do that sort of thing anyway.  So, I guess all I can do is wish you luck in your quest.  Such a saint may be hard to find though.Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Wendy: Not asking for much, are you? I often have trouble with poems with this theme because they tend to read like a laundry list but, in the end, your wording won me over here. I hope, for the sake of your own happiness, that you are willing to relax your standards a little bit (I fit the above criteria except my charger is black and my wife already snatched me up). In my opinion, the strength of this poem is in the wording. I did notice that you used "echoing" twice and that you use the no-no word "soul" once but I, quite honestly, had to search these out. The wording, necessarily, evoked clear imagery (I knew exactly what you wanted by the end of the poem). Nice work. Jim |
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gofor42 Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 143Arkansas |
As I told you the first time you told me about this piece, it makes me feel very alone. But it's a beautiful work, with great imagery and emotions. The idea of the symphony of the soul...very nifty. "If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing." --Kingsley Amis |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
This actually started out as a journal entry, but when one of my friends read it she suggested I turn it into a poem. Personally, I feel the whole prose/poem arguement is slightly ridiculous. No where I have ever read does it say poetry can't be written in complete sentences. Personally, I think poems flow better when they ARE in complete sentences.  -wen |
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