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Working Cattle
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Working Cattle |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Working Cattle by Kirk T Walker Kicking, frantic, Up the shoot, Driven by Hotshot or rod, Spit and snot, **** and mud On blue jeans And coarse hands, Hangs from their tails, Is slung from Mouth and nose, Or kicked upward, Outward, by The frantic hoof. Gates go CLANG! Cows charge and Then go THUDNK. Head in shoot, Whites of eyes, Tongues out, Bellering, Crying for Themselves and Their babies In fear, Confusion. “It is for Their own good.” [This message has been edited by Kirk T Walker (edited 03-04-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kirk T Walker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kirk: There are a wealth of images being portrayed here, not the least of which is a sense of panic that is well communicated. I can see the content of your poem going three ways, the first and third of which are, in my opinion, the more likely of the three: (1) You are describing a slaughter house/stock yard. The "head in shoot" calls to mind the way the cow is killed before it is slaughtered and divided into steaks, hamburgers and kosher hot dogs. (2) You are describing the castration of a bull (commonly practiced to de-spirit a spirited bull). (3) The third (I think) describes a rodeo bull being led to the gate. If this is the case then I don't know if I'm sure I understand the "head in shoot" line. Good work here. Jim |
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Leslie New Member
since 2000-01-07
Posts 8 |
Hi Jim, I was immediately attracted to this poem because of its unusual subject matter. The more I read poetry, the more I appreciate the unusual subject or unique take on the familiar. ( ) suggested additions [ ] suggested deletions Kicking, frantic, Up the shoot, Driven by Hotshot or rod, Spit and snot, **** [and] mud [On] (cover) blue jeans [And] coarse hands, Hangs from [their] tails, *as stands modifys hands. Like the mix of imagery of cowboy and cows.* Is slung from Mouth and nose, [Or] kicked upward, Outward, by [The] frantic hoo(ves.)[f.] Gates go CLANG! Cows charge and Then go THUDNK. Head in shoot, Whites of eyes, Tongues out, Bellering, Crying [for Themselves and Their babies In fear, Confusion. “It is for Their own good.”] I wouldn't use fear and confusion, you've already shown that. Wouldn't try and get inside their mind. The commentary sounds tacked on since this is the first time you've introduced anything beside the imagery. Up until this point you've really held my attention. Good imagery! Since I know nothing about cattle, though you've given me strong imagery, I'm not sure exactly what's happening. My strongest thought is that they're going to slaughter, but I'm not sure. Whatever their fate is, I would think of some strong lines to allude to it for the ending. If it is slaughter, I was thinking that to give it further depth, it might be interesting to juxtapose images of the end product with the live animals. What a contrast between these images and tightly wrapped cellophane packages of meat. I could imagine an ending of hamburgers sizzling on the grill. Enjoyed, Leslie Kadoom. Kadoom. Ka- dooom. Kadoom. Now I have beaten a song back into you, rise & walk away like a panther. 'Ode to the Drum' by Usef Komunyakaa |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kirk: Or maybe a beginning with steaks sizzling on the grill followed by how the 2" thick porterhouse found its way there? Jim P.S. Leslie, Kirk is responsible for this fine work, by the way. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Thanks for the responses. Actually, this poem is not about a slaughter house, although it is about beef cattle. This is about the semi-annual vaccinations that are given to the cows. They put them in a head shoot in order to vaccinate them, put tags in their ears, delouse them, or whatever else. I am sorry that my poem did not convey this clearly. My intended audience here is rural America (trying to dealienate the agriculture community from poetry circles maybe ha ha) and where I am from they call moving the cattle around, vaccinating them, etc. "working cattle"So the title, "Working Cattle" is intended to relate this idea. Also the concluding line, "It is for their own good" is meant as the farmer justifying the work, despite the psychological trauma it may cause the animals. Does this help clear it up? |
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