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Critical Analysis #1
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Silhouettes (Repost from forum#5)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Silhouettes (Repost from forum#5) |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania 
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Silhouettes As I glanced upward from my page A bird appeared and then Began to gather small materials With another wren It could have been a robin, though Sparrow or other one Just shadows on lace curtains Cast by the morning sun Two silhouettes so lovely Upon the hanging lace Never flinching once as I approached Or noticing my face My front door curtains didn’t conceal The details of their quest Pulling pieces off my wreath To build a little nest The location of their future home I didn’t seek to detect So as not to rudely interrupt The little architects Their pillage of my spring-time wreath Was meaningless to me Compared to those two silhouettes - So beautiful to see Days later from afar I noticed That my wreath had changed It seemed to me much fuller now And somehow rearranged In coming close I saw the bow And sitting just beneath A robin’s nest with three blue eggs Cradled in my wreath What greater gift could I imagine? Who could want for more? A perfect ornament from God Adorning my front door! Elizabeth Santos |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Hi there Liz .. welcome to CA land of the ogre(s) .... LOL Actually I just dropped by to make sure this stayed at the top till I can get to it later tonight. I'm working with the reference to "wreath" btw .. Meanwhile it's great to see you here and perhaps you could persuade friend K to post "A way to fly" here as well .. she doesnt listen to me  Later Philip |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Poertree, I realize that I'm in for it in this forum. I don't mind the criticism. I just started writng last July and this was one of the very first poems I wrote. I am in it to learn. I will post something new in this forum in due time Liz |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Liz I’m no expert on form or rhyme schemes or meter (I leave all that to others .. mainly Jim..lol), all I would say is that although the rhyme scheme (abcb) was clear and the syllable counts fairly regular, the meter was more difficult to pin-point, although mainly iambic I thought. Whether any of this really matters I haven’t the faintest idea ..lol. Meanwhile I see you were meaning this to be a Spring wreath and I tried to discern whether you had any other thoughts in mind other than the simple beauty of birds taking an “man-made” creation and using it themselves. I did wonder whether for instance their might be a light/dark side to the poem in that wreaths are also traditionally used in memorial and funeral services, and whether in fact you had some idea of the irony of this particular wreath being used to CREATE life rather than bedeck say a coffin.. Maybe as it was a Spring wreath this was the furthest thing from you mind though? With my passion for complicating things I also looked for more behind the silhouette references, but I guess if i start to say what i speculated on that then Jim will really call for the men in white The only line which I thought felt a little “clunky” was: “Sparrow or other one” the words “the other one” somehow didn’t convey any real picture or message. All in all though taken at “face value” (whatever that may be) this was a nice read .. but i guess i may be missing something. Btw I only started writing in September 1999 so don’t take much notice of me ... lol Bye for now Philip PS Philip btw not Poertree .... And Philip with one “l”  |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Philip, Yes, I never did like that "sparrow or other one". As for the meaning of the poem, I was only telling what happened on day when I was sitting at the kitchen table reading, looked up and saw the shadows of birds and watched them for a long time through the lace. And the rest of the poem also is exactly what happened, no creativity here.A spring or summer wreath usually has lots of little twigs, leaves, straw, and things birds would build a nest with, no symbolism here. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Next time I'll post something more serious.I just wanted to get my toes wet in this forum. Thanks, Liz |
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