Moderator's Choice: Poertree for After the Murder of my Wife

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Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

0 posted 2000-02-28 10:05 PM

Personally, I argued against this poem. I see no reason to placate the English any further (ever seen Braveheart?). Still, the strength of this poem lies precisely in what most of us most of the time would criticize. The slightly 'off' rhyme scheme actually enhances the theme. That, combined with the superb diction and overall strength and rhythm creates what Haze actually called 'chilling'. I agree. Good job. Even if he is English, he still likes that Welsh poet.
Philip -- did you expect this to happen at some point? The English and their overblown egos, you see.

After the Murder of my Wife . . .

..... and then again I couldn't really loathe the power that lay beneath
the ravaged torn and shattered mask of my grief,
And time's curdled place beside our throne
fires my turgid breath and blasts my bone.
Violence upon violence heaped, a silvered grain of pain
dibbed deep into translucent flesh and barbed remains
to take the threaded hope of my gassed joy,
coagulate my pasts love-burst destroy.

Ruined rain slides hot upon my chest, whiskering a vapid roll,
So future's dice and spotted mocks my pall,
To tattoo beat a wave of porous hope
upon my empty ribs and parchment coat.

Life; so coppiced in a prime, so hacked and hewn
and rendered over-ripe and blown,
Bleeds and shoots a multitude of Springs
against the frosty cut of death's keen cling.

.... but then again I couldn't really loathe the love which lost; grieves me.
Balm my riddled brain with sweet inanity,
Dam and comfrey up my running loss,
That no seep of history leaden my cross.

Ted Reynolds
Member

since 1999-12-15

Posts 331

1 posted 2000-02-29 03:58 PM

Okay, I'm going to have to print this out and take it home to ponder over, but one point I can make now from my first readings -- and I expect that I'll be representative of *one* type of reader.  That is, that reading this is to experience a continuous set of small confusions about what is meant.  For example, the 3rd and 4th lines:

"And time's curdled place beside our throne
fires my turgid breath and blasts my bone."

A place can curdle?  My mind works on that, and then goes on.  Whose throne?  Maybe it will come clear later.  Fires my breath . . . wait, a *place" does?  Maybe *time* could, but that's not what this says.

This is full of phrases and juxtapositions that work for me ("Ruined rain slides hot upon my chest,") next to those that just don't ("whiskering a vapid roll",) Huh?, Huh? and Huh?  And worst, it's no clearer to me on the third read than on the first.

But there is power here and great vocabulary, as well as a definite broken crazy staggering *feel* to this that is sustained throughout.  Perhaps reading other's comments will help me read this with more understanding and pleasure.  Which is part of what we're about, right?

Poertree
Senior Member

since 1999-11-05

Posts 1359
UK

2 posted 2000-02-29 05:27 PM

I'm gonna say it again Brad ... you're a big softie at heart. In choosing this piece you really did your bit to allay the English inferiority complex ... "Ta mate!" .. lol

Ken ... not sure that either "understanding or pleasure" were meant to flow from this poem .....

........ thanks for reading .... later P

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

3 posted 2000-03-01 09:49 AM

Philip,

I think I read this way back when I first started posting in CA.

I liked it then, and I love it now, as my knowledge of poetry has increased due to the caliber of writers here, you being among the best.

There were so many lines that were so very good. "To tattoo beat a wave of porous hope
upon my empty ribs and parchment coat" and,
"Life; so coppiced in a prime, so hacked and hewn and rendered over-ripe and blown," were among them, but the entire piece is excellently written, worded so unusually, as to capture the readers, pulling them in to watch a man go insane. The entire translation to meaning is a bit difficult to grasp...for me, anyway, but I was able to decipher most of it. It is one of those pieces that I'm sure will be very subject to personal interpretation by each reader.

Wonderful work, Philip,
Kris

All that we see or seem - Is but a dream within a dream ~ Edgar Allan Poe

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

4 posted 2000-03-01 09:53 AM

I'm not going to comment on the poem's contents (Philip already knows what I think of this one) but I do want everyone to know that it IS possible to understand much of this piece. You may get a nose-bleed trying but it is possible.

Jim

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

5 posted 2000-03-01 10:20 AM

I think I didn't comment on this one the first time around for the same reason I really won't say much this time. Most of it simply whooshes (sorry

) right over my head.

Lack of a nose-bleed must be evidence that I didn't understand much. But I am getting a headache. I think that means I understand it better (or more of it) than I did before.

To some extent, I do understand Philip's reply "not sure that either 'understanding or pleasure' were meant . . ." but I find it absolutely fascinating. (How's that for another adjective?) As others have already said, not only the vocabularly but the combination and juxtapositioning of words is just uncommon and outstanding.

Yes, Kristine, when Philip sets his mind to it, he proves himself to be a truly gifted poet.

Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe

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