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A Poet's Death
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A Poet's Death |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
A Poet’s Death by Kirk T Walker The poet is a woman’s kiss, A blend of violence and tenderness, Can only truly die from loss of flame, Or from the harshest insult to the brain. For a poet’s song is of his soul, Its attempt to console. He bleeds it on the page in red, For his eternity, Until he is dead. But as long as they print His words in black, The beloved poet will be back. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kirk T Walker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Kirk, You can go further with this. There are several, don't mean to be rude, common enough ideas here: 1. The poet as Romantic/romantic -- a woman's kiss --what do women think about this? --What about the variety of women who kiss quite differently --This is a great start but use the image to explore the idea specifically. 2. A poem is violent and tender --How so? Not disagreeing with you here, just think you should explore this more. 3. loss of flame -- loss of inspiration 4. insult to the brain -- too many people dislike your stuff and/or have treated you too malevolently. 3/4 combined --Again, not disagreeing with you here because we all know it happens but isn't it a contradicition that if you have the flame, how can insults hurt you? If you don't have the flame, then does it matter? Intriguing ideas in their combination. a poet is the song of the soul --sounds great but rarely have I seen anybody expand on this idea. The 'soul' is an extremely vague concept to expand on. attempt to console --Who? The soul? Others? Not saying it doesn't do that, just saying play with the idea (Have I said that enough yet?)  bleeding it onto the page --Or the idea that it comes from the heart which I have always seen as a rather disgusting image. HIS eternity --he write for himself But as long as they print His words in black, The beloved poet will be back. --But if he writes for himself, how does he come back when he's dead? At this point, the poet becomes irrelevant and the poem is for the reader. So, if he doesn't get printed, does that mean he didn't really write for his eternity or that somehow he failed? How is the poet 'beloved' -- sorry, thinking of Toni Morrison here. Might be interesting to see what you could do with this here. Just throwing out some ideas, Brad |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Thanks for the great comments. You don't have to apologize after every suggestion, I know it is CA and am ready to take the heat. The "insult to the brain" is a reference to the death of Dylan Thomas, that is what the official report called it, although he actually drank himself to death. I realize this is an obscure reference. The poem was supposed to comment on the idea that so many great creative and intellectual minds are lost to alcohol, drugs, etc. and that all we are left with is the work they did accomplish. On looking over the poem again with your comments, I agree that some of the stuff I wrote is sort of cliche filler. For this poem to be truly original I will need to expand upon the ideas expressed. |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
I really like this poem, but i found the flow was a bit stunted by a few things. I like your comparison of a poet to a woman's kiss, i think it is succint, maybe it is general, but i appreciate the meaning. "can only truly die from loss of flame" Yes, i agree, but going from "Can" seemed to jar the meaning a bit for me. If you had said, "That can..." it would have flowed a bit better. "Or from the harshest insult to the brain" For me, brain, seems to simple here, maybe "of the brain might be better, so it doesn't sound as clinical i.e. what the brain does, rather than what it is. "For a poet's song is of his soul, Its attempts to console." Brilliant, i thought these lines were excellent. "He bleeds it on the page in red" a good line "For his eternity" I thought this line didn't really fit the flow of the poem, though i do appreciate the emphasis on "his" eternity, but maybe in this line if you ask why he bleeds it on the page. What makes him do it? i.e. "in order to see what is really being said" "As long as they print his words in black, the beloved poet will be back" This kind of sounded like a motivational speech of somekind, like a Tony Robbins tag line almost. Its the "poet will be back" that gives me visuals of a boxer or wrestler screaming these kind of words. Maybe if you focussed on the the poet more personally here. What happens to the poet if his words are put into print? What does that do for him? Personally? What meaning does it provide him?. I enjoyed the poem, but i think if you got into the poet on a more personal level, explore the intimacy a poet has with himself, that it would be made a bit more interesting. Thanks for the read. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi Kirk, May I just explore a couple of ideas with you? I think this poem has much potential, but there are a few things we should look at. "The poet is a woman’s kiss, A blend of violence and tenderness, Can only truly die from loss of flame, Or from the harshest insult to the brain." You are using a woman's kiss as a metaphor for a writer of poems, and that the poet is a blend of violence and tenderness in this metaphor. I can tell you that I have never kissed anyone in a fit of anger...I'm not sure how you put "violence" into a kiss...they are oxymorons. The fourth line would sound a bit better, smoother, if you dropped "from". It's not needed. I especially liked the line, "He bleeds it on the page in red,". The remainder of the piece wanders from the original metaphor and, also, reads somewhat unevenly...as in "For a poet’s song is of his soul, Its attempt to console." Read it aloud, and see if you think it might be helped by an addition to the second line. I agree with most of what Brad has to say, and I feel that if you use our suggestions, and rework this somewhat, you could have an excellent poem. Just some ideas, Kristine All that we see or seem - Is but a dream within a dream ~ Edgar Allan Poe |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Thanks for the comments. I knew this poem needed work (that's why I posted it), but sometimes it is hard to tell what exactly. Getting multiple viewpoints certainly helped to refocus my attention from other angles. I really appreciate it. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I really like it when I check back to see if people have responded to my suggestions and I find a revision. So, I revised this poem, took your comments into consideration, backed up and started with a little bit of a different angle (hopefully a little less cliche) and here it is, please let me know what you think A Poet’s Death (Revised Version) by Kirk T Walker The poet is a winter’s kiss, A blend of violence and tenderness. He can only truly die from loss of flame, Or the harshest insult to the brain. For his fire is of his soul, Its attempt to warm, to console. He bleeds it on the snow, crimson, red. For his eternity, until he is dead. But as long they stack logs on the fire, He will speak to us from beyond the pyre. |
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