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JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

0 posted 1999-08-12 01:46 PM

Swirling tumble,
twirling jumble,
tossed and turned,
and inverted spins.
Misty movements,
of disconcerted eyes.
Roiling thoughts,
bubble through constantly,
adding deeper frets,
into this furrowed brow.
Confusion is but fancy,
as the mind attempts,
its denial fate's aria.
Eternal fall of man,
into depths of unknown.
Dangerous slips haunt
as struggles for solidity,
continue incessantly.
Wishful hopes,
candycane dreams,
replaced by the cacophony,
of ignorant screams.
God it's great,
to be human.

------------------
Dum spiro, spero
JP

PartiStarks
Junior Member

since 1999-07-31

Posts 38
Brooklyn, NY

1 posted 1999-08-12 02:17 PM

Wow! This was really discombobulated and kinda cute.

Just out of curiosity, is there a subliminal message here?

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[This message has been edited by PartiStarks (edited 08-12-99).]

Saxoness

Senior Member

since 1999-07-18

Posts 1102
Texas

2 posted 1999-08-12 06:52 PM

Alright, I must admit, I liked this one. It was quite amusing, The only thing though, (i always have something to say) is I do not like the 4th line, "and inverted spins" it just doesn't seem to fit. It breaks the thought process....I stopped to try to understand what you meant, and my thoughts were halted. do you understand?

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"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

3 posted 1999-08-13 12:41 PM

Actually, your thoughts are meant to stop there. This was intended as a rollercoaster ride of the mind and that pause you experienced is the pause after the loops, before going up the ramp for the next drop.

------------------
Dum spiro, spero
JP

Pretender
New Member

since 1999-08-13

Posts 9
Roseville, CA 95661

4 posted 1999-08-13 11:50 PM

That was a very silly poem I loved it. I didn't understand it but it was great.

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

5 posted 1999-08-14 12:03 PM

Perhaps you should put yourself in the seat and take the ride Pretender...... I got extra room in mine...

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Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
JP

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