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Ode To Him
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Ode To Him |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
I put alot of thought into this poem to make it have a statement within the poem, took a while but i think i got it fixed, see what ya think Ode To Him touched you once loved you twice watched you more cold as ice seen you there your not here show no emotion heart stand still bright eye shines heart grows dim sit alone tonight your with him --Hoppy 2-4-00 "If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity." Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
I love it.I really get what you are saying.It cuts to the chase and stays to the point.Honest and good. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Nice, simple, and to the point. I know it is hard working with short (Really, really, short actually!) rhyming lines, but I think you handle it pretty well.Here are my suggestions: Ode To Him touched you once loved you twice watched you grow* ? Just a suggestion. cold as ice seen you there you're not here* added apostrophe show no emotion heart stand still*Did you mean "stands" or "stand", the way it is makes it sound like a command to your heart (which I like) bright eye shines heart grows dim sit alone tonight you're with him* added apostrophe Ryhme pattern is not the same in the middle stanza, which is okay by me, but I thought I would point it out 1st and 3rd stanzas: ABCB 2nd stanza: DDEF |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
thanks for the comments. Yes i realize that the second stanza is out of the rhyme scheme but i meant to do that. sort of break the redundancy a little. and another reason it's the only way i could figure to make the poem do what i wanted. I'll show you this cause i don't think anyone will catch it. If you start with the last word in the first line and read everyother last word in each line you will see it says "once more there emotion shines tonight" which complements the poem. Thought i'd tell you that for the heck of it "If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity." Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. |
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