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He that is least among you all, the same shall be great
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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He that is least among you all, the same shall be great |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
(Sestina from the workshop) "I want to be with you when you Mate" I turn, gaze up and whisper, "or die by your side". "I want to be near you when you flash your rank And blaze your royalty across the board". Pale and still she rakes the narrow file, Scans the black horizon, the ordered files and turns toward her husband King, her mate. Listless bored, He, careless, flips his sceptre, casts the die, Then cowardly subsides behind the rank, A foppish shadow by her shining side. I craved the honour of the lead, and sighed when she sang forth the Knight with honed, filed sword, and rank above my own. He eyed his black foe mate and lightly sprang a double leap to die, or not, within the tight square killing board. Cutting as a pike through flesh her gaze bored to the flank where, with castellated head and side of midnight dye, the ghastly Rook slid up the open file. "Beware the Gruenfeld Gambit; ware the Mate," a warning hiss behind me in the rank. And so with power she burst between our ranks, And with the Bishop struck across the board. (A pious mate, Ever caught between the victory for our side and a bloody blot in his celestial file). Black and white and red, they move and fight and die. The quiet endgame falls on crimson dye, We stalk the charnel field and breathe the rank and gory files. Almost alone, she shields me up the board against the waxing threat close at our side from her black sister. Interposed, she mates with death, and dies, Queenly, upon the board. A final rank I leap, the furthest side And crowned, reborn, the file laid bare, I Mate. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
philip-- this is quite a clever piece! i don't know nuthin' about chess except the horse piece is cool, but you've done a great job here bringing the game to life. the first line is a little... interesting, lol... until i figured out (in line 2 of the next stanza, actually; yeah, i know, i'm slow, lol) what you were talking about. you beautifully kept up the conceit throughout, very well done. i don't know nuthin' about sestinas, either, actually, but i gather it's 6 six-line stanzas, with the end words always the same but rotating throughout (i don't feel like trying to figure out if there's a pattern to that, but i'm sure there is, lol), and then a three-line summation or conclusion at the end (haha, where else would the conclusion be?), with the six end words doubled up. you use some good tricks here; "board" sometimes appearing as "bored", and "side" once as "sighed", "die" and "dye", very nice. i really like your clever use of language, using the same word in its multiple meanings, for example "rank" appearing in stanzas 1 and 3 as station or status, in stanzas 2, 4 and 5 as a row, column, or group, and in the final full stanza as a putrid, awful odor. you do similar things with "file" and "mate". really, i'm impressed, and it made reading this so enjoyable. i also liked your line "Black and white and red, they move and fight and die"; once i got over the first thing that popped into my head (the old joke, what's black and white and red all over?), i appreciated the nice symmetry in there. really well done; i wish i knew more about the game of chess, i'm sure there's a lot more going on here than i realize. (for example, what piece is the speaker? i think i can live without knowing about the gruenfeld gambit, though, lol.) thanks for a stimulating read! jenni |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Philip, This is indeed very clever use of words. I remember this from the workshop. I seem to recall your saying "it wasn't fun to write." But I suspect you were not really serious. It certainly is fun to read. I think it must be challenging to write a sestina which makes sense and is interesting throughout, but you have done so admirably, my friend. Each time I read this piece, I find something I didn't see before and it becomes more interesting. I'm not sure you can legitimately morph the end words in a sestina (board/bored, die/dye, side/sighed) but it did allow you to introduce some interesting nuances. Also, as Jenni pointed out, your use of multiple meanings for words, such as rank, was very good. It helped add interest to the piece. Ah, the subtleties and inconsistencies of our beloved common language. Very well done. I'm glad you brought this one to CA and I hope others will read it and comment. Thanks. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
. (for example, what piece is the speaker? The answer to that is in the title Jenni and also in "I turn, gaze up and whisper" the position of the piece can be worked out from that down to one of three possibilities then later "I craved the honour of the lead" would give any chess player a pretty good idea of the exact piece but it does help if you know the pieces ..lol .. and thanks to both you and Pete for looking at this again ! I've gotta run right now I'll get back to you both later ... Thanks again P |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
"but it does help if you know the pieces ..lol" yeah, it also might help if you didn't speak in riddles and just said what it was! |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
LOL |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Philip, I used to play chess with my father when I was young, but it's been so long, I barely remember anything about it. I do recall the names of the pieces, however, and perhaps a few of the moves. As Jenni said, this was very clever...ingenious...turning the chessboard into a visible battlefield. As far as a sestina goes, I'm not sure if you're breaking the rules by changing the words...using homonyms instead. A sestina expert would have to answer that. I loved almost all of your word choices..."stalk the charnel field" especially, and the manner in which the tension is built,leading to the final stanza, and the win. I did not care too much for "foppish" in describing the king...perhaps, "But a smug shadow.. " or "A preening shadow..". I suppose "foppish" is more commonly used "over there", but it just sounded kind of out of place. (Oh...comma or space between "listless" and "bored", 3rd line, second stanza)  This was an extremely good piece, Philip, and so very distinct. Pat yourself on the back...quite a few times. Kris If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain,... I shall not live in vain - Emily Dickinson |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hey Philip, I love this so much that I wanted to cry!!!! |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Now then Trevor ... I never had you down for a bitch ..... miaowwwwwwwwwwwwww Hey c'mon .. play the game this is CA ... short AND unambiguous if you please .. H & K's P |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Philip: I've been hoping you would post this in here. This was a remarkable accomplishment. I love the chess theme and I love the "tragedy" and the "victory" at the end when the pawn first lost its queen (I think) then reached the final square and, by doing so, the queen was reborn and the use-to-be pawn became the hero who saved the day. I loved every stanza of this. Jim |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Geez Jim, that's good. I somehow missed that part about the pawn becoming a queen. I guess its been too long since I played chess. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
well I knew it was about chess *looking very pleased* lol does that count for soemthing? I wasn't able to follow the movement, but the way you gave the pieces life and emotions is incredible..great poem |
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jamaicabradley Junior Member
since 1999-11-04
Posts 39 |
I really enjoyed this one, although I got the impression the Queen was not reborn, but in fact dead, and "he" was reborn. I like the use of chess and felt alot from this, doomed love affair. Jamaica |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Bonjour Philip After reading 'Angela' I had to take a journey to seek out your other writings. This one jumped out at me the most, maybe cuz I am a true lover of chess...finally something I understand without reading it 20X  I have to be honest Philip...when I play chess I have not thought of each move I make or my opponent makes in a poetic sense...you managed to strategically write out each line with the same prowess as you would make each move. I have tried playing two games since I read this and can't without thinking of some line from your poem which very easily distracts me from my game play...LOL...I will never look at chess the same way again Cuz I love chess, would I be prejudice in saying "This is my favorite of your poems that I have read up til now". BRAVO PHILIP! Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unknown |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Poertree excellent from stat to finish. But I must confess initially I thought you were using the stratagies of chess to develop the theme of the King doing medieval battle. Poertree very well constucted and a pleasure to read. I know you must have woked vey hard to get this kind of theme and the perfect words to support them.I origiinally thought you was using the analogy of chess to describe the crusades and King Arthur Though in a since you are. Just so you know my part in this poem I was the pawn who mated. Also had me a few serving wenchs on the side. Man I`m exhausted. Again poertree excellent work. I don`t know what you`ll do for an encore. I read everything you write, I don`t always comment because I usually can only say I like them. Original and fresh mateial.I will read again and again and save for my scrap book.Be very careful though someone could tip the table and take your queen(unless she`s really mean and ugly)and then your back to digging moats Thanks for the read and excuse my rambling and bad jokes. I just like to see the little guys win somtimes. I salute you Sir Lancelot. and may your sword and pen be always vigilant. Your frind and admirer forrest cain Arhur |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Philip, Is this a repost or a rewrite? I can't remember the last one (well, obviously I can because I brought it up, didn't I? I mean remember it exactly) but just wanted to add that I enjoyed this one as well. When I have time (and don't forget), I'll try to get into the 'meat' as Doreen puts it. Brad |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
You have motivated me to do a poem about checkers. I jump you jump like frogs we jump one way we stay until we are kings Then we can go any damn place we want!!! All kidding aside I enjoyed the originality of your work. EJ |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
You have motivated me to do a poem about checkers. I jump you jump like frogs we jump one way we stay until we are kings Then we can go any damn place we want!!! All kidding aside I enjoyed the originality of your work. EJ |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Mysti First apologies for being so long in saying "merci" ..and also thanks for resurrecting this, i've been away for a few days and off-line... I'm glad it caught your notice .. not too many people in Passions seem to play the game ..and without a basic knowledge i guess some of the intent might be lost.... oh and also i'm grateful for your comment on "Angela" thanks again forrest as i just said to mysti ..i've been away .. what a complimentary set of comments to come back to especially from a guy whose poetry i admire as much as i do yours, i really do appreciate what you said and thanks very much for taking the time .... brad actually ..it's neither .. mysti very kindly resurrected it from the archives ... glad you got to it this time .......lol...... eldridge a poem about checkers .....lol... surely not!! that's that dumb US game ain't it ..?? so simple you have to switch your brain off .. heh heh ..... ... kiddin' of course ..being a rude draughts playing brit!!thanks to you all for commenting philip |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
% I am a chess player from CA. I love your end game. Two queens a white pond and two kings. Your white and your opponent is black. The black queen dies in the process of the white pond and queen moving down the board. The white pond reaches the opposite side of the board to become a queen and put the black king into check mate. Very simple. Bob <>< |
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