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Falling in Love With You
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Falling in Love With You |
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Renee Junior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 18langhorne, PA 19047 |
A simple smile for no reason Warms a little spark inside me. Your arm reaching out to me Turns my spark into a flame. A little glow of desire in your eye Turns my flame into a fire. A gentle touch to my skin Turns my fire into an explosion. Bursting out to find myself Falling in love with you. Linda Renee |
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| © Copyright 2000 Renee - All Rights Reserved | |||
kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
wow, i get to be the 1st person to comment on this") interesting read--i liked the way you compared falling in fire to "fire that is ever growing and growing..." however,the word "desire" doesn't appeal to me---desire to me suggests lust---call me being sexual hormone charged")---shouldn't falling in love be a more simple and innocent process?? i dun noe-- i am new to poetry and there are a lot of things that i don't know....  |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Hello Renee (Linda): I enjoyed the simple honesty of this one. One suggestion regarding the use of a "fire" metaphor: Since "fire" is used so often to describe love and passion you may want to consider approaching the subject from a different direction. Perhaps you could describe the light from the flame in more detail than simply "glow" or describe the image of the explosion more graphically than "bursting out". The feelings are there (I'm assuming) but now comes the hard part ... doing justice to those feelings with words. Thanks for the read. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Renee Junior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 18langhorne, PA 19047 |
Thank you for your comments. I agree that it needs a little fixing. I was unsure of what words I wanted to use together. Your comments really helped. Thanks a lot. |
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Drucilla Junior Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 14 |
I really enjoyed this poem. I t is very cute and I think that everyone can easily identify with it! Drucilla |
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cheryl cook Junior Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 12 |
I liked the over all theme, but where i "tripped" was the two lines ending in me. The fact that there is no rhymming scheme is alright, but it feels as though it lacks a bit of rhythm. |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Super terrific poem!!!! |
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