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Thoughts of You
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Thoughts of You |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
The Thought As I look out upon the sun setting cast over the water I feel a cool breeze rush across my skin, As I stare at the reflection of nature in the dark lake A thought comes to me, it sends chills down my body It is so warm and comforting yet so distant A soft voice and an innocent laugh plays aloud in my head The thought intensifies, so confusing and scarry yet so clear and soothing, Images flash, sounds play, thoughts collide inside my head It feels as a dream running wild in the night But in time the realization comes----- It is was the thought of you. Written by:Hoppy NEW POETRY FORUM NOW OPEN "If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity." SUBMIT YOUR POETRY HERE, AWSOME PAGE. NEW POETRY FORUM ADDED Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. THE PAGE OF PURE POETIC EXPRESSION!! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Did you really intend it to be 'scarry'? You've got a strong build up here (I definitely wanted to finish the poem) but I think you can do more with contradiction than simply state them and, honest, I don't think you were thinking about me.  It's a tough call, always, when you use that second person, especially in poems like this one but it just didn't quite cut it for me. wonder what others think. Keep writing, Brad |
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