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Critical Analysis #1

Born to be No Child

leon
Junior Member

since 1999-12-13

Posts 23

0 posted 2000-02-03 02:23 PM

Born to be No Child

All good members were virgins, waiting.
Except Betty Roch. A few friends
would say she was, in deed, already
born experience. We were grown

bad, as in a juvenile age at the clubhouse.
Among the walking, Marc had wheels
that could outrun a speeding ticket--
a beat up Buick with patched up guts.

One Saturday night, we headed
for spilling shrills on a careless highway.
Under the open hood of night. And Marc's
stick in gear like a rubber bandit.

We could have been wild gentlemen
in a classy bordello. Driven, she was
so eager and breathlessly taking
our turns around the curves.

(c)1999 - Leon J.W.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2000-02-04 07:26 PM

I think this could flow a little better but I enjoyed this poem and really liked the third stanza and the last line. The double meanings work very well. It takes a few readings to see the possibilities but that's okay with me. Hmmmm, wonder if you might try getting away from the innuendo next time (but how many poets actually can stay away from the innuendo -- it's something in the ink, perhaps)

personal favorite:

Under the open hood of night

Pretty hard to do an interesting description of night these days but this one worked (for me).

Looking forward to see more,
Brad

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