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Blind Eyes (turn away from me)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Blind Eyes (turn away from me) |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
Blind Can't you open your blind eyes and see This cloned world is coming down on me I run to the boarder i'm trying to flee All that I do for each of you, you do not see Can't you open your blind eyes and see Can't you close your criticizing mouth and see This lacking bit of logic is killing me I run to the edge of this world and attempt to flee Nothing I do for you will never be enough for you to see Can't you open your blind eyes and see We go round and round till noone can see This bright bit of darkness-this dark world of insanity A shot in the dark a scream in the night, we just hope That this bullet's not meant for me tonight. All the redundancy you do not see, Why can't you open your blind eyes and see It all breaks down and goes round and round Again and again you stand up to watch me fall down You stand and watch me fall down Still through this great chaos our redundant World still spins round and round till God stands and shall it all fall down This world keeps turning round' Can't you open your blind eyes and see This cloned world is coming down on me I run to the boarder i'm trying to flee All that I do for each of you, you do not see Can't you open your blind eyes and see Can't you just open those eyes and see, this is all you'll ever see of me. --Written by: Hoppy 1-30-00 "Which is the dream?" SUBMIT YOUR POETRY HERE, AWSOME PAGE. http://members.xoom.com/weeklyhoppy |
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| © Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Hoppy: Welcome to Critical Analysis. I suspect that you wrote this to be lyrics to a song. I personally don't have a problem with this but I do think that music adds a layer to song lyrics that just doesn't come across as well when you see the lyrics on the printed page. "Can't you open your blind eyes and see This cloned world is coming down on me I run to the [border] i'm trying to flee All that I do for each of you, you do not see Can't you open your blind eyes and see Can't you close your criticizing mouth and see This lacking bit of logic is killing me I run to the edge of this world and attempt to flee Nothing I do for you will never be enough for you to see Can't you open your blind eyes and see" This reads very much like a verse in a song. The references to the "lacking bit of logic" is vague as is the accusation of the "criticizing mouth". What bit of logic is lacking? What, specifically, are the criticisms that are "killing" the speaker? The second and third stanzas gave me the same impression as the first (as to it's seeming like lyrics to a song). The rhythm of words like "insanity" and "redundancy" didn't flow smoothly (another thing I think, put to music, could be cured). I would suggest, if this was not meant to be put to music, that you focus in on one or two things about those "blind eyes" don't see. I'm not sure what they see after reading this. Be specific. What doesn't the other party see? We all want to know! Jim |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
accually this was written to be a song but i figured i'd post it as a poem anyway. But in songs and poetry i like the ambiguity of everything not being explained as in the part of what other "other party" dosn't see. I like open ended and halfway explained writting, leaves room for the reader to use his imagination "If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity." SUBMIT YOUR POETRY HERE, AWSOME PAGE. http://members.xoom.com/weeklyhoppy Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. THE PAGE OF PURE POETIC EXPRESSION!! |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I think perhaps we come from two different traditions here. There is a huge difference between half explained writing, ambiguity and alternate interpretations. This poem is just hard to 'see'. And while I agree with Jim it could work as a song, it doesn't work for me as poetry because you've given the reader so little to work with. First and foremost, a poem has to motivate a reader to attempt an interpretation; the reader must be moved to think further and to think about the words. If that doesn't happen, all the theories in the world aren't going to help you. Like to hear it with the music some time. Brad |
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