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Open Poetry #51
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Libertine Rain
| Open Poetry #51 |
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Libertine Rain |
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augustsky Senior Member Posts 828 midwest US 
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Libertine Rain~ Absorbed in the rampancy Stirred and swallowed whole, Squall of a woman's soul, Stretched and heightened to a Caravan sky, Let the war of the elements Find her flesh, Place the storm-brew to her lips, Amazing is this fury for life.. ©Augustsky |
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| © Copyright 2021 augustsky - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Sky, These words are amazing to me! I had to go back and read it again slower so I could savor every word's meaning. To me, all your work is beautiful and top notch. Your gift radiates off the page. And because of that, I'm going to make a critique. To me, the last line is filled with the perfect words, but it felt a tich off. Took me a while to pinpoint why it "felt" different to me. You might think about putting fury at the end of the line. Maybe because fury has 2 syllables and life only has one. Could be word sound, not that it is a bad line as it stands, It just didn't shine as bright as the others. Hope you don't mind the critique, Id want someone to tell me. Hugs ~L |
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augustsky Senior Member Posts 828 midwest US |
Lori, It's quite alright, I appreciate your opinion..the reader can take away Many viewpoints on a Poem. This was written about a feeling I had at one point in my life, how as a woman we can endure so much..but fight, hold on, no matter what! it was with such Intensity that I wrote the close.. exactly how I felt it. Hugs back.. Sky~ |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
libertinage can make fury, yes, your poem makes me think of, thanks it is a beautiful poem yann |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Sky, I'm so glad you told me what you were feeling in the last line. I understand completely. ~L |
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augustsky Senior Member Posts 828 midwest US |
Thank you much Yann & Lori.. Hugs.. Sky~ |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Ooh! Loads of passion. Can life be lived otherwise? Enjoyed your poem Augustsky. |
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augustsky Senior Member Posts 828 midwest US |
Yes..passionate was the feeling, I have an image that goes with this Poem, but I can't seem to post images here. Thank you for stopping by ebony girl.. Sky~ |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Beautiful poem. The imagery is amazing. Stretched out before the storm and the stubborn will to keep challenging it. Thoroughly enjoyed this one. |
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augustsky Senior Member Posts 828 midwest US |
Thanks Michael, Yes..totally passionate,laced with intensity, glad the imagery came through without the actual pic..it was a woman standing topless..more from the back..in a Raging Storm. Sky~ 'Excuse me.. while I kiss the sky' |
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Divine Paradox Junior Member
since 2021-08-03
Posts 44I'm not from here. |
I'm not actually a poet, but I can see that you are. This is powerful. |
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augustsky Senior Member Posts 828 midwest US |
Thank you SG, but yes..you Are a Poet. Thanks for the read & kind reply.. Sky~ 'Excuse me.. while I kiss the sky' |
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