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Open Poetry #50
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Remember When
| Open Poetry #50 |
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Remember When |
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psychofemale Junior Member Posts 18 Tennessee |
Trapped inside a vague illusion I hear a voice that screams seclusion Monotony-is the sound Of being lost and never found Isolation-- a timeless key The key to nowhere, like you and me An aching memory, an empty heart It's bittersweet-- how we fell apart Longing for-- what could have been The past is quiet, remember when? We used to laugh and used to sing Remember when we used to dream? We used to be afraid of nothing But now it seems, it's always something You're not you, and I'm not me We're nothing like we used to be *These evil vultures always win* [This message has been edited by psychofemale (10-31-2017 10:52 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2017 Alli - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
It is a good poem. In my humble opinion your last stanza would work better as the first stanza to set the mood. Either that or take the last stanza and develop it into a whole other poem. It is a good stanza and I like it. It just "felt" different to me than the rest of the poem. Welcome to the Big Blue Buffett! ~L |
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psychofemale Junior Member Posts 18 Tennessee |
Thank you for the feedback, weirdly that was bugging me as well. I reread it with the last stanza first and I like it a lot better now. I think you solved my issue I was having to begin with. Thanks!!!! *These evil vultures always win* |
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Bluesy Socrateaser Member Elite
since 2002-11-07
Posts 2417In The Mirror |
Change is not always growth, is it PF. Many things are stated as the "beginning of wisdom"...not the least of them is knowing your own heart. Your poetry tells me you do. ...just bein' Bluesy |
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Poet In Pink Senior Member Posts 1066 MI |
Hello PF, nice to read you  Nicely penned message from the heart ~ Much enjoyed and look forward to more ~ Alana |
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