A Somewhat Pleasant Dream Of Death

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Bluesy Socrateaser
Member Elite

since 2002-11-07

Posts 2417
In The Mirror

0 posted 2017-09-20 02:24 PM

As I drift off to sleep,
moonlight fades into a tiny orifice
I faintly hear you telling me
that you're leaving me

I then begin to see the earth
quake beneath your feet
Granules of soil spit up at you
as you take your leave of me

The quaking is stronger now
as the ground splits around you
Watching you slide silently downward
brings me such joy

You left me then, consumed by earth
but suddenly, your hand reaches out
from the ground, out to me from your grave,
to free you from death's grasp

...then I awake to feel the walls withdraw
Slowly, my excited breath becomes calm
You begin to stir beside me
and, finally...I decide to smile

...just bein' Bluesy

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

1 posted 2017-09-20 05:22 PM

Bluesy,
Your last stanza really ties it up with a beautiful bow. You know you did something very difficult very well, don't you? You shook the tree of the death of a spouse sans the intense gut wrench. The prominent emotions I felt were love and tenderness, not
fear and sorrow. Yes, there was just a taste of anxiety, but it didn't overwhelm the piece. I really like where you went with this.

~L

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

2 posted 2017-09-20 06:26 PM

Can't say it any better than Lori did. This was very well constructed. I loved it.

~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

3 posted 2017-09-20 06:52 PM

simply a nightmare, then we are so happy to wake up, words then are so precious

yann

Bluesy Socrateaser
Member Elite

since 2002-11-07

Posts 2417
In The Mirror

4 posted 2017-09-20 07:59 PM

You too did something quite difficult, Lori Rhoden...you understood.

Thank you so much for your insightful reply. You humble me.

BTS

...just bein' Bluesy

Bluesy Socrateaser
Member Elite

since 2002-11-07

Posts 2417
In The Mirror

5 posted 2017-09-20 08:03 PM

Many thanks to you, JerryPat for your concurrence. I'm also grateful for your comment on structure.

I appreciate it.

...just bein' Bluesy

Bluesy Socrateaser
Member Elite

since 2002-11-07

Posts 2417
In The Mirror

6 posted 2017-09-20 08:06 PM

Thank you yann, for reading and replying. I always appreciate your visits.

...just bein' Bluesy

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

7 posted 2017-09-24 06:10 PM

Really can relate lately, although I felt myself awake from my own death...

Bluesy Socrateaser
Member Elite

since 2002-11-07

Posts 2417
In The Mirror

8 posted 2017-09-24 10:34 PM

Hey, Maureen! I'm pleased you came by and left this:

quote:
"I felt myself awake from my own death..."

We sleep, we explore, we experience. Even death becomes surreal enough for us to get just a glimmer of it, without having yet surrendered to it.

Thanks!

...just bein' Bluesy

Poet In Pink
Senior Member
Posts 1066
MI

9 posted 2017-10-02 05:23 PM

To the edge and back....Been there a few times ~ Great write Bluesy Alana

Bluesy Socrateaser
Member Elite

since 2002-11-07

Posts 2417
In The Mirror

10 posted 2017-10-03 02:06 AM

Thanks for your visit Miss Pinky.

So we've 'teetered' on the "edge", but never lost our balance...nor did we let anyone else lose it for us.

You're appreciated.

...just bein' Bluesy

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