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Open Poetry #50
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If I Appear To Take You For Granted
| Open Poetry #50 |
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If I Appear To Take You For Granted |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere 
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I wish someone could get inside my head slip their feet inside my shoes and their hands inside my fingers and meet my major malfunction. I think a fresh perspective is in order. It is easy to give advice looking from the outside in. But from the inside out is a totally different function. The inside is where the fears and hurts linger and hide, fester and erode. Maybe an objective observer can see beyond misconceptions and denial and turn in a tender word to hasten healing. I wish someone could see my truth then tell it to me gentle. Don’t just say “Suck it up!” then walk away. I’ve lost my faith, I’ve lost my way. I’m sick at heart. I feel empty when I pray. This is a different kind of low that leaves me indifferent and numb as opposed to wanting to end it all. I don’t feel hopeless so much as pointless. It is not as if I’m not doing something about it. I’ve got plenty of therapy and meds. But my motivation still needs rebuilt or overhauled. I can’t seem to nurture and self-love myself enough. I’m weary of my dysfunctions I want to turn this crap around. I’m afraid I can’t do it. I’m afraid I don’t know how. I’m afraid of being overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by being afraid. So I seek escapes in different ways. My newest vice is sleeping away my nights and days. Then of course there is my writing that saves my brain from turning to mush and lets me focus on those things that used to bring me joy when I could still feel it. In case you were wondering, I’m not looking for pity or sympathy. However, a touch of empathy would be Divine. Just know how much you mean to me and forgive me if I appear to take you for granted. LGR©8/3/17 |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
To me, your best written, and most wonderfully introspective piece . . . EVER! You suffer from a sickness that affects the masses overall, and in particular, those of us advancing in years, those beyond youth and the daily excitement that being young, brings. We're not as agile, we're not as sharp, and we're feeling the loss of need - our kids are grown, and grandkids (bless them for filling in) live, for the most part, elsewhere . . . and life, in general is just somewhat emptier, and unfulfilling. And nothing, in spite of what soothsayers try to convince you of, makes a damn bit of difference because it's the emptiness inside that eats you alive. Oh, you can tweak it a bit, exercise, joining social functions and groups, babysitting grandkids, charity work - you can stay busy and involved, but: you pay a price! Aches, pains, weariness - down right exhaustion! And then, when the day and/or night is done, everything/body is taking a rest, your spouse, if still with you, is snoring away, slapping out at flies in dreamland . . . you're alone, and all the things you've done to combat the emptiness inside that eats you alive, is staring you in the eye again. It's life, my wonderful friend, and it comes with the passing of time, the loosening on the reins of youth, when we look back on the past, and realize - - - it is the past for the most part, and we're now on the edge of the picture, near the frame, no longer in the center. And, we miss the attention, the feeling of worthiness that being the center point of everyone/thing, gave us. We were the Matriarch!, the Patriarch!, only now we're just in attendance. Me - I just look forward to each day, thank God every morning when I arise, put my feet on the floor and am able to stand up, and ask him to bless me every night so I can do the same the next morning. Yeah, I know, it's routine now, and so is the emptiness inside, but I still smile about it, live with it, remember everything I'm still allowed too, and live, the best I can, through the day I'm in!. I, and many others, live in the same house as you, my friend, just in my own inner-self! You need/want empathy? HOWDY PARTNER! --- Good Grief ! Nothing like verbosity is there? jimmy |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
I hear you Lori. I learned a long time ago that my situation is not unique. Life is a journey, and it seems we are constantly challenged. I like the saying that women (and men) are like tea.... You never know how strong they are until they're in hot water.  i take pride in my inner strength and perseverence because for me, there is not another option. |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Thanks Jimmy for your generous words of support. Ya know I secretly hope there is something wrong with me just so it can be fixed. I really don't want to hear it is just one of those things that comes with age and that diet and exercise is the best cure. Bless your heart Jimmy! ~L |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Blues, I used to sound like you and I took great pleasure in lifting up those around me. Somewhere along the way I sprang a leak and ran out of gas.Learning how to recharge yourself has not been a strong point for me. But it is never to late to learn. ~L |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Since I have never experienced what you described the only thing I can say is just keep putting one foot (menal thought) in front of the other. Maybe you will get back to being you soon. ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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Cerulean Member Posts 109 |
Much of what I see others say here is true and well intended, but there is also so much more behind the scenes than all that. There is more on heaven and earth than is dreamt of in such philosophies. Question all that you see, even the comments of your dear friends here and mine. Listen to your heart, at how times have changed - that it's more than just the seasons changing, more than just the fluttering leaves now falling from the trees... that in another time, another world, things could've been different even with the degree to which families drift apart. Different with the course of diseases. Different with how the elderly suffer loneliness. That some things that appear natural even to others that have treaded the earth longer than I, are not so natural. But you can be a driving force behind positive changes that you want. Thank you for this poem, which shows you still care about others. [This message has been edited by Cerulean (08-03-2017 04:58 PM).] |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Don't worry Jerry, I will. ~L |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Cerulean, I know I need to be the driving force for positive change in my life. I'll get right on that after my nap... ~L |
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Poet In Pink Senior Member Posts 1066 MI |
Lori Lou your words are so honest and straight from the heart ~ The emotions your frankness brings about can't be described with just words ~ This really touched me while reading ~ Thank you for sharing Alana |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Pinkapeal, Found out my blood sugars are all out of wack and that has been a big part of my problem. So I am working on getting them back down. Hope to be feeling better soon.~L |
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