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Open Poetry #50

Constellations

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2020-07-06 09:58 AM

Constellations

Constellations
finger drawn
in tender caress
we are skin shivered
and love made

augustsky
Senior Member
Posts 828
midwest US

1 posted 2020-07-06 10:55 PM

Mz, This is Smooth & Sweet as Honey
dripping the page..

Love it

Sky~

Sometimes..Miracles are just good people
with kind hearts~

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

2 posted 2020-07-07 07:03 AM

exquisite, inspiration can be a caress, thanks for the tribute

yann

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

3 posted 2020-07-07 07:20 AM

I love the beautiful simplicity here. The mood of it comes across well, and leaves a smile.

Since you said you welcome constructive criticism I would offer one suggestion. Please remember I'm not a professional.

"Tender" is very commonly used in describing a caress. It does fit into this nicely, but I'd like to see what other way you could describe a caress.

"How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything"

Stone Sour

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

4 posted 2020-07-07 08:38 AM

@augustsky. Thanks for the reply, glad you liked it.

@2islander2. Thanks for the response.

@Temptress. Thanks for the feedback. Always appreciate constructive criticism, especially when I agree with it.

Though it fits “tender” does feel a little bland here.

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