Train Passing - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

rainyday
Member
Posts 304
Heartland USA

0 posted 2015-11-22 06:01 PM

Train Passing~

A distant serenade plays melancholy
upon the rails,
like a paperless-poem
that paper-weights my heart.

Train whistle
gently flaps the corners
of dreams,
Unties the black ribbons
of night..
Just enough to herald
the continuance of things,
the turning of life,
while slumber slides across twilight
Tip-toeing in and out of consciousness
as lucid thoughts trail the faint echo
of its goodbye..
like a hobo who's missed his caravan ride
yet follows the tracks of its voice,
and I awake
at the passing
of his footsteps..

© J~

Pete_W
Member
Posts 185
Scotland (UK)

1 posted 2015-11-22 06:22 PM

Enjoyed reading this and following you following your dream towards waking through that half-way house where you can almost control the direction the dream takes.
Thanks
Pete

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

2 posted 2015-11-22 07:47 PM

"and I awake
at the passing
of his footsteps.."

Great three line ending, rainyday . . . I was with you on the in and out of consciousness, oh yeah, been there a few times in my life. Greatly enjoyed your poem, my friend.

~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~

Mr Martini
Member
Posts 366
Beneath The Line

3 posted 2015-11-22 09:56 PM

Growing up near a switch yard in a large city with a spur which ran through my neighborhood, recollections of crushed pennies, soused brakeman and stolen rides were an inherit part of my young life.

Later, experience on the railroad taught hard lessons that still remain. Ones' views were not always as romantic from within as those from without. Anyone knowing a rail or connected to one knows what this means.

The thought of tying Nell to the tracks never left me.

Here's to you and here's to me and should we ever disagree, here's to me!

rainyday
Member
Posts 304
Heartland USA

4 posted 2015-11-22 10:58 PM

Pete, Glad you could follow.
Thank you much..

rainyday J

rainyday
Member
Posts 304
Heartland USA

5 posted 2015-11-22 10:59 PM

JP, Thank you, pleased you liked that close.

rainyday J

rainyday
Member
Posts 304
Heartland USA

6 posted 2015-11-22 11:04 PM

Mr.M, Sorry some of your past connections & experience's were negative.
My write was based on how I personally felt
at the sound of a distant train whistle in the night, that haunting feeling, the places it
took my thoughts while half asleep.

Thanks for your in depth reply.
rainyday J

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

7 posted 2015-11-23 05:21 AM

"often when one is asleep, there is something in consciousness which declares that what then presents itself is but a dream".

Aristotle

The single word "lucid"
makes this poem very effective, and relateable

Well done J

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

8 posted 2015-11-23 06:33 AM

Love this!
Can't pick a favorite line they are all so good! Your imagery is superb! ~L

Ticklefingers
Senior Member
Posts 710
Louisiana

9 posted 2015-11-23 07:22 PM

Train whistles are often associated with country blues tunes. It's as though the whistle is the inescapable harbinger of loneliness, despondency and death.

Relating to it in a phrase like this:

quote:
"A distant serenade"

...is refreshing, even when its leading to a melancholic feeling.

You wrote some smooth poetry here Miss Rainy.

88's friend

She told me "play one for your supper Danny and maybe you'll get breakfast".

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

10 posted 2015-11-24 10:27 PM

Excellent piece my friend, flowed easily from top to bottom, smoothly done...

j.

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

11 posted 2015-11-26 05:39 PM

fine writing indeed !!

rainyday
Member
Posts 304
Heartland USA

12 posted 2015-11-28 09:23 PM

ice, Thank you for those most generous comments.
L, Thanks for the lovely reply, pleased you liked.

rainyday
Member
Posts 304
Heartland USA

13 posted 2015-11-28 09:27 PM

Tf, I so agree..about the train-whistle.
Appreciate your kind response.

j, Thanks for the read & reply Poet.
shdreampoet, Thank you, glad you liked.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

14 posted 2015-11-30 07:38 PM

this is really nice to read...james

rainyday
Member
Posts 304
Heartland USA

15 posted 2015-12-01 09:36 PM

Thanks for stopping in James.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.