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Ticklefingers
Senior Member
Posts 710
Louisiana

0 posted 2015-09-27 12:38 PM

she attracts me...

when she's gone
                  I'm empty inside
every sound echoing
                  as in an empty room
conscious of myself only
                  but then, not long after...
they begin to taunt me
                  the little ones that know me

...and my weaknesses

twisting and distorting me
                  from the inside out
until I scream for release
                  prostrating myself before them

...loosen the cinch

climb back into the chair
                  light a cigarette
look out the window
                  follow the sun to the hardwood floor
...take another drag
smoke fills the beam of light
                  that skewers the glass panes
like the way she pierces my soul

she attracts me...
         and I am helpless to resist her

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2015-09-27 06:47 AM

This is an excellent first offering, Ticklefingers! Welcome to Pip! And thank you for appreciating and commenting on other Pip members' works too.

I really enjoyed reading your poem and visualizing the atmosphere within the room and within your heart core.

Margherita

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

2 posted 2015-09-27 07:07 AM

I Love this! In your case, attraction being the prompt...you have captured that inner torment and helplessness to perfection. I can sooo relate! Excellent work. Welcome to the Blue Buffet! ~L

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

3 posted 2015-09-27 09:10 AM

Good Morning Ticklefingers. To begin, I don't smoke, but have no complain about those that do, so I enjoyed the fact that you brought out smoking in a very vivid way.

I believe that 99% of the people who read this poem can, and will, relate. I have always thought that little word "love" causes more pain and suffering, and downright misery than any one thing in the world.

~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~

Ticklefingers
Senior Member
Posts 710
Louisiana

4 posted 2015-09-27 01:27 PM

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful replies.

Miss Margherita, I'm of the opinion that replying and commenting on others work is what keeps boards going. I know that you feel the same and do so straight from your heart. Many bright blessings to you my dear and thanks for your warm welcome.

Miss Lori, a tip of the hat with all respects and good wishes. Your enthusiastic reply made me warm all over. Thanks so much!

JerryPat, I'm a former smoker of all things that could be smoked besides fish and venison. All things considered, I feel blessed to be around to reflect on those times, and others. My impression is that you are too.

A firm handshake and 88's friends!

She told me "play one for your supper Danny and maybe you'll get breakfast".

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

5 posted 2015-09-28 11:30 AM

hello ticklefinhers, this is a vivid piece of poetry and a touching one, i guess if you can't resist, that your are deeply in love my friend, all you have is to keep it that way,

thanks again for the beautiful poem
I learned some lesson with
yann

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

6 posted 2015-09-28 11:55 PM

Lovely...for me the moments we are together let me know Im where Im supposed to be...but when we are apart...separated...that's when I wonder if the attraction is real, or just my very vivid imagination...love this

Ticklefingers
Senior Member
Posts 710
Louisiana

7 posted 2015-09-29 01:01 PM

You all are too kind. I appreciate your visits.

88's all.

She told me "play one for your supper Danny and maybe you'll get breakfast".

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

8 posted 2015-09-29 11:32 PM

fine writing...james

Ticklefingers
Senior Member
Posts 710
Louisiana

9 posted 2015-09-30 12:47 PM

Thanks for your visit James.

88's friend.

She told me "play one for your supper Danny and maybe you'll get breakfast".

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

10 posted 2015-10-04 12:12 PM

Ah, helpless.. and there's probably no other way you'd rather be too. I have felt that feeling before, both in glory and in tragedy, and still, there's no other feeling I would rather have.

Michael

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