Human Illness (Villanelle)

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Open Poetry #46

Human Illness (Villanelle)

Laverne Pacquire
Member

since 2009-11-15

Posts 96

0 posted 2010-03-06 07:24 PM

She cried on her way not herself less apt.
She made her bed with an injured stretch.
Down self, hear the stroke of her whipping hand.

She injured image shooting in a dance.
Decline I'm worn and falling off the edge.
She cried on her way not herself less apt.

Turning tides torn, her silent agony.
Strangled and scattered waking hope never.
Down self, hear the stroke of her whipping hand.

She cried on her way not herself less apt.
Cruelty can be kept in mind trembling.
Hell accused her and restlessly she sat.

Help! she asked for always being a woman.
She couldn't separate the start from her end.
Down self, hear the stroke of her whipping hand.

Inner pain to the outside off the map.
Her attic holds the red eyes dead.
She cried on her way not herself less apt.

Down self, hear the stroke of her whipping hand.

*this poem is inspired by quote "Illness is the night side of life" - Susan Sontag

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2010-03-07 10:03 AM

You have done a great job here, Laverne!

Love,
Margherita

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2010-03-07 12:58 PM

hello I notice that you are a junior member and have not replied to many others

that's the way you get noticed here yes

take some time to reply to others and you may get more of your work replied to

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 2010-03-07 04:11 PM

It's good writing, although it is not a villanelle.

If you would like to learn villanelle constuction, you can go here..
/pip/Forum22/HTML/000994.html

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member

since 2009-03-11

Posts 1257
Louisiana

4 posted 2010-03-08 08:40 AM

This is very deep and powerful stuff Laverne, but makes me wonder about the line

"She cried on her way not herself less apt."

It might be too early in the morning, but I don't understand this.

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