navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #46 » the door to another room
Open Poetry #46
Post A Reply Post New Topic the door to another room Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168

0 posted 2010-12-29 02:59 PM

I watched the back of his hand slightly fold,
The coffee slightly smug along the kitchen table,
His newspaper neatly folded,
Socks matching the beige tiles of the second floor.

I tried to make conversation
For the silence was stale, uncomfortable
As if we were cousins,
Maybe even neighbors
Sitting awkwardly
Searching for something interesting to say.

But, I just sat there,
Like the pigeons do
As they sit with their web feet
Overlooking the novelty
Of the world as it comes and goes.

He was torn to bits
But this was his way of coping
Of telling himself
That his inner thoughts could
Divert his eyes from the door upstairs

The door to another floor
where the white linens
smelled like vanilla,
of old love, buried,
sold to the teller in the sky
where the eagles never return.

So he turned his thoughts to the kitchen
Page after page
His face never changing
The same way mine use to stay so still
Sleeping on my right side as a young child.

Just he and the kitchen
His round wooden table,
Where the kitchen seemed to notice a missing scent

A voice locked away
to the door to another room.

[This message has been edited by Tomer (12-29-2010 04:39 PM).]

© Copyright 2010 Tomer Fried - All Rights Reserved
Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991
1 posted 2010-12-29 03:06 PM

I liked this very much. You conveyed a sad message in a way as to keep the reader (me) guessing what was coming next. Wonderful lines in this sad tale of departed love.

To mimic is a form of praise unless
you have no thoughts of your own

Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
2 posted 2010-12-29 04:03 PM

Absolutely perfect.I am wondering and waiting for more. If this is it,so be it,I will make my own middle and end. But  it will not satisfy my senses. latearrival
Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435
3 posted 2010-12-29 06:35 PM

You, good Poet, are an exquisite and descriptive story teller. This was captivating clean through. Thank you!


Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
4 posted 2010-12-29 06:36 PM

Tomer...a very well presented inner drama
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
5 posted 2010-12-30 10:15 AM

Captivating, and sad...truly engaging writing. So well done. I remain a fan!


Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
6 posted 2010-12-30 02:05 PM

A perfect cinematographic moment, in which you hold your reader spellbound and seeing, but unseeing, deep into the heart of the protagonist, waiting for the movie to continue to unwrap the psychological narrative.  Brilliantly done, Tomer, as always.


Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168
7 posted 2010-12-31 07:06 PM

Appreciate all of the comments...always appreciated.  Happy New Years


Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #46 » the door to another room

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary