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Open Poetry #46
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Four Pieces (Senryu)
| Open Poetry #46 |
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Four Pieces (Senryu) |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America 
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Carnival is here. Crowds jam the street with laughter. He plays solitaire High above the street A lonely window shines bright. Love is sold tonight. Sits by the window In a smoky, crowded bar. Life passes him by Crumpled note on floor Tells the story of love gone. Time now for dying. http://swamprighter.wordpress.com/ |
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| © Copyright 2010 Jerry Pat Bolton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Plenty of diversity in that pen of yours. Each one of these packs a punch, paints a picture, and tells a good story. Wonderful, wonderful slices of life! |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Thank you, BluesSerenade. Those pieces were written almost fifty years ago sitting in a rooming house just off St. Charles Avenue during Mardi Gras. Not a good time for moi. |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Sitting in the midst of so much life and not being any part of it. Order in the middle of chaos, to the point of nothingness. You write a powerful piece. "We'll chase them like rats across the tundra." |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Appreciate the indepth comments, Andrew. That was how it was back then. We've all been there. Tough going for a while. |
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s1nfully_1nn0c3nt Senior Member
since 2003-10-26
Posts 1105Watertown, NY |
I like it. All together, it tells a story. Apart, each senryu would still be wonderful. Enjoyed.  -Trina. |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Thanks, Trina. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Good work Jerry I too like how these writings can be individual or collective. Very nice touch. Yes, we all experience a slide into those kinds of valleys in the great trip from the womb to the underground railway. Eric |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Good to see you, Eric and thank you very much. |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
I can only echo the comments of all the others. Fine piece of work...sounds fresh even though it's been around awhile Lori |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Hi Lori. Yep, it still feels fresh to me also. Sometimes time doesn't dull things. Thank you for being here. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Jerry....Each Senryu is so well done. Apart or together they have impact and meaning. That's not easy to do in a few lines. |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Thank you Martie, I appreciate you nice comments. |
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Prasad Nataraj Senior Member
since 2008-05-29
Posts 1149Bangalore,India |
Many a times, love lost is better than not loved at all. Fine images, gripping emotions, being the only son at home and an introvert, many of these feelings have brushed my life many a times. Fine writing, Jerry.  "Hardwork pays in the long run" |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Sorry to hear that, Prasad, but life get in the way of happiness more often than not, huh? Thank you for your comments. |
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Honeybunch Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115South Africa |
Yes, very well done, Jerry! Helen |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Thanks Helen. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I've traveled St. Charles under light of moonlit sky Christmas Eve Or'lens |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Yes indeed, there are some wondrous sights to be seen on St. Charles, and of course there are the other sites. I loved your poem and I have a feeling you passed a good time in New Orleans, Sunshine. Thank you for being here. http://swamprighter.wordpress.com/ |
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Novus_Os Member
since 2010-07-21
Posts 115West Coast, USA |
"That was how it was back then. We've all been there. Tough going for a while." This is a very distinct, and engaging poem. Very powerful, and vivid. Well done indeed. Best Regards, Novus_Os Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. |
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Novus_Os Member
since 2010-07-21
Posts 115West Coast, USA |
BTW, My parents loved New Orleans, and Mardi Gras. My mother spoke french, so maybe there was some soul bound connection. For many years a painting hung on the wall of my house, a man on bench playing banjo, or guitar. The people passing by. A pigeon flying off. I know it's not always smiles, but best to you. |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Thank you, Novus_Os, for your double-barreled comments. Haha! If your mother spoke French she may have been able to understand the Creole French, but quite probably not. It is an offshoot of the Acadian French spoken in Nova Scotia. But that painting on your wall was most likely bought from one of the Starving Artists street painters near the Cafe Du Monde and St. Louis Cathedral. Again, many thanks for your input. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Great realism you offer with your words, dear Jerry. You capture very well a situation and a mood to which too many can relate, I fear. Love, Margherita |
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Misty Lilacs Senior Member
since 2005-11-15
Posts 1060White Birch Forest |
These were wonderful. I could envision your thought in each word. Great writing! ooxx Marti I do the <color=orange><b>MS Walk</color></b> everyday!! |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Thank you, Margherita and Marti for your kindness. |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
The senryu lends itself well to the strong subject matter here. These have greater impact for it. Very evocative... great writing, Jerry! A |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Thank you, A, for your thoughtful comments. |
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