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JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

0 posted 2010-11-01 07:30 PM

Written last year five months after my wife passed on . . .

Being alone is not so grim,
I do what I want on a whim,
There is no one to answer to,
Then why do I think about you.

Four walls seem closer than before,
They make me want to loudly roar,
But I find I temper my zeal,
There are times it's so hard to feel.

I peer through the mirror at me,
Wonder whose face it is I see,
I continue to look and stare,
That’s not me I solemnly swear.

I’m trying my best to be strong,
Sometimes I feel I don’t belong,
My aloofness hides my despair,
It’s almost more than I can bear.

I am losing the "who I am,"
To some long-lost spiritual scam,
I've given up on who I was,
To thunderous, vulgar applause.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

1 posted 2010-11-01 10:41 PM

Understanding this. Widowed a long time now. Work helped but I finally had to give that up as the new task masters changed what was a pleasant position to one that almost took away one's diginity. You have your poetry and books at least an acomplishment.
I am just a reader. Keep writing.You have a lot to give. best to you,latearrival

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2010-11-01 10:44 PM

quote:
I peer through the mirror at me,
Wonder whose face it is I see,
I continue to look and stare,
That’s not me I solemnly swear.

But as for the "who I am" part of your
poem, I'm afraid, dear Sir, that if you
continue on at this pace, you'll find
yourself before you know it.

I'm sorry for your loss...it is never
easy.

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

3 posted 2010-11-01 10:48 PM

Thanks Sunshine, February of last year was not a good time. I lost my wife on the ninth. Two weeks later my first wife, who I was on good terms with died from brain cancer. Two months to the day I had to put my much loved dog to sleep. But time does blunt, if not stop the pain. thank you for stopping by and saying such nice things.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

4 posted 2010-11-01 10:50 PM

Latearrival, you are so right about the writing. I honestly do not know what I would do if I didn't have writing to fall back on. It is my life now.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

5 posted 2010-11-01 11:01 PM

Can't say I know the pain, but I can respect it. Your writing shows you have much to offer and that there is more to you than the loss of those you love. I bow to you and yours. Peace.

"We'll chase them like rats across the tundra."

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

6 posted 2010-11-01 11:07 PM

Andrew, thank you so much for your kindness. We do what we have to do. So that is what I do. Nothing profound about it, it is just making what is left palpable.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Winter
Junior Member

since 2010-11-01

Posts 10
On the autumn wind

7 posted 2010-11-01 11:22 PM

Oh that is sad. I`m sorry for your loss.

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

8 posted 2010-11-01 11:25 PM

Yep... I understand that mentality... said those same words many a time. "Ya just do what ya gotta do." But hopefully we can make it more than just palpable. I like to keep a bottle of hot-sauce in the cupboard for certain occasions.

"We'll chase them like rats across the tundra."

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

9 posted 2010-11-02 12:29 PM

Jerry

The sting of death is never pleasant but the strength of the gift of life helps us grow stronger even as your despair in this piece is slowly gaining realistic acceptance.

Well put down in words my friend!!

Eric

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

10 posted 2010-11-02 07:08 AM

Thank you Winter. When that poem was written it was tough, I've found some measure of peace over the year.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

11 posted 2010-11-02 07:09 AM

Andrew, a little bottle of hot sauce in the cupboard sure doesn't hurt, huh?

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

12 posted 2010-11-02 07:10 AM

I quite agree Eric. Attitude is the most important part in situations such as this.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
Senior Member

since 2003-10-26

Posts 1105
Watertown, NY

13 posted 2010-11-02 08:53 AM

The sadness and loss is weaved in with your words. I don't think the pain ever goes away - we just get strong enough to bear it. Sorry for your loss.

-Trina.

"To decieve ones self, is truly a grueling battle. One which we're destined to lose."

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

14 posted 2010-11-02 09:06 AM

You know what you speak of. The intensity of the pain gradually gives way to a dull ache. Sometimes I feel I prefer the intensity, at least then I knew I was alive. Thank you, Tina.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Eusta B. Mae
Senior Member

since 2010-05-03

Posts 903

15 posted 2010-11-02 10:40 AM

just tears here...ebm

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