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Open Poetry #46
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Junior Member
since 2010-10-14
Posts 27
Idaho, USA

0 posted 2010-10-18 04:45 PM

The water flows far away
endlessly, never in one place

The dew on the grass sparkles in the sunlight
settling down after a cold clear night

The rain patters on a street
a tear rolls down a scarlet cheek

Salty waves break against the rocks
seagulls swarm the beach in flocks

Light glinting on a crystalline lake
frozen crystal fall in flakes

floating peacefully in a dream
a fish swims up a gentle stream

upon a bottom, on top a mirror
the feeling of being small, inferior

Stars twinkle in the clear night sky
having the strength to survive
being grateful to be alive

Detailed etches well define
broken promises trapped in time.


© Copyright 2010 Chylene Doney - All Rights Reserved
Senior Member
since 2010-07-01
Posts 1196
ME. In the Shadow of the Mt.
1 posted 2010-10-18 08:18 PM

You were writing about water and all it's forms,nicely done , but you lost the flow in the end.
Kat >^..^<

Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209
Southeastern USA
2 posted 2010-10-19 12:36 PM

I like it. But I daresay even a poet can only "channel" water for so long, before the trance leads back to the universe, time, and disappointments that still afflict one's life and dreams...

An enjoyed read. What was it Heraclitus said, "You cannot step twice into the same river"? I can imagine that for ponds, too.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
3 posted 2010-10-19 05:14 AM

wow! That ending came out of nowhere! I love it!
since 2010-08-19
Posts 71
4 posted 2010-10-19 08:51 AM

delicacy & beautiful
l like the air flowing through the whole poet
thank you for your loving words

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