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Open Poetry #46
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Prisoner
| Open Poetry #46 |
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Prisoner |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now 
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You still know where the Swallows hide their nests in the dusty eaves, rustle-feathering out of sight like folding of old dry leaves, still recall how thistle-wine tastes, tang on a tender tongue- still can smell the forsythia salt, though the years have left you dumb- mute in a world of tar and ash, grey brick and a four-walled pen, yet when the city dims it`s sheen you`re seventeen again, and clover crushed beneath bare heels gives scent to the color green, as your slim limbs long leap brown and strong through a verdant meadow, white stream- and you fill your lungs with the willow-wind, and the hawk gives harmony- as you pierce the sky with a youthful cry, and the years fall away unseen. [This message has been edited by Amaryllis (06-01-2010 01:33 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2010 Amaryllis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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easy1 Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209Southeastern USA |
An excellent first post. I can actually still remember many of those things from my younger days... and your original, enchanting descriptions are good to read. |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Thank you, easy1... it`s a bit odd that I chose to submit this piece as my first, since I don`t typically write in iambs or use a rhyme scheme that often~?! It.. just wanted to be posted, though- Stubborn little poem! heh  |
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Richy Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050 |
Oh my gosh, this was extraordinary. I'm a fan already. Looking forward to reading more from you. These words were like a whisper, that I inhaled through my eyes. Wonderfully done. Richard xx |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Thank you very much, Richard.. that means a lot coming from a talent such as yourself!  |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
You took me to a place in my life a very long time ago that needed to be rekindled. Beautiful first post.  |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Many, many thanks, Mysteria, for your kind words and warm welcome! I was waxing a bit nostalgic, heh |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
" And clover crushed beneath bare heels give scent to the color green" Welcome, Amaryllis. Some extrordinary writing here, I'm looking forward to more. Ida |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Thank you so very much, Ida! Btw, I`m new here, I hope it isn`t rude to reply w/ a t.y. on one`s own post? I don`t mean to keep it bumped up by doing so.. |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
i too am a fan your poetry has me breathless |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You still know where Swallows hide ~*~ The beginning of a heart-felt, soul filled sound... Well done indeed! Please check your email for a Very Special Greeting! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
..."rustle-feathering out of sight like folding of old dry leaves," ... ...anyone with this kind of understanding is worth reading and upon just browsing your piece, these lines brought me back to the begining and a word for word reading... very well written, my friend, enjoyed every word. j. |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Oh thank you, jwesley and Sunshine.. truly means a lot to me, thanks for reading. And Sunny.. yes, a very cool trick indeed! I shall have to try one meslef.. |
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Bastet Member
since 2010-05-07
Posts 246 |
Beautiful imagery, subtle internal rhyme, great use of vowel and consonant repetition. A real masterpeiece of poetic language. A delight to read. Thank you for sharing it. |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Thank you, Bastet.. I am a fan of your work, and it means a lot coming from you! Yes, I was having fun with sonics on this one, thanks for noticing. [This message has been edited by Amaryllis (06-01-2010 01:13 PM).] |
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Prasad Nataraj Senior Member
since 2008-05-29
Posts 1149Bangalore,India |
Beautiful descriptive writing. . Great first post..."Hardwork pays in the long run" |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
yet when the city dims it`s sheen you`re seventeen again, and clover crushed beneath bare heels gives scent to the color green, Magic words that bring back so many memories Great poem my friend. Lindsay |
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