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martiniat8
Senior Member

since 2003-06-21

Posts 897
Prague, Bohemia, Czech Republic

0 posted 2011-12-06 01:24 PM

I've crawled
I've crawled Down, underground
Slipped into the subway tube
To hide

In the warmth
Sheltered from the cold crisp winter wind
On a bench, next to the Carokraj
Poster, operni Narodni Divadlo
And the train comes
The train screams and stops
Looking up to let it pass on by

The doors open,
the blank female faces stare
behind red lips, delicate smiles of potential, curious eyes
"Get on board, the doors are closing, we're here."
Wondering, bewitched... "Why is he just sitting there?"

Over my shoulder the red phoenix peers
Daring to swoop
Pluck, make a meal
of the predator raptor in blue
Below the green lusty maid

And strangely i know how you feel
All those long days ago

push push away
too close too soon
she's written our book
sealed out fate
in only two interview dates

the house waits, renovating, renovates
she has everything ready in 6 months
all she needs is the man for the picket fence

I feel i've been plucked
Picked from a foreign husband catalog
Answer the questions
Fill the form in triplicate
Pass the interview

Its over, I graduated to the next round
And love, LASKA, the affair
Is allowed to begin
The beginning, the beguine, the end

But, Pass, they pass one by one
Lean legs, soft faces, patterened stockings
Every woman under the sun

Wondering if there is something better
In slips the next train
In slipscreams the fear
Before the heart is preparred
before love even has the chance to appear

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

1 posted 2011-12-06 10:49 PM

Wow! this was such a captivating read.. very much enjoyed.

Bisous
RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

2 posted 2011-12-07 06:51 AM

Oh I so enjoyed this, in its entirety, but this:

"Over my shoulder the red phoenix peers
Daring to swoop
Pluck, make a meal
of the predator raptor in blue
Below the green lusty maid"

Is one of my favorite stanzas. I really like how the words play with one another, and feel on the palate when read.

The imagery works - I can say that I've never seen an actual subway, in my life, but I didn't need to.

Nicole

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

3 posted 2011-12-07 03:39 PM

This is very good. I think one of your best.
Very vivid read, a lot of moving parts, as I was reading I was anticipating the next line.
An attention grabber.

Enjoyed.

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

martiniat8
Senior Member

since 2003-06-21

Posts 897
Prague, Bohemia, Czech Republic

4 posted 2011-12-07 04:53 PM

Thanks, y'all. Yes, I like that stanza also, I was describing the poster I saw and it reflected my emotions at that moment, the story completely, a phoenix rising from the ashes, trying to resurrect himself by devouring a blue screaming bird of prey that is bound by a green lusty maid.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2011-12-08 06:48 PM

Nice...James

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