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Geodesic
Junior Member

since 2011-06-08

Posts 13
England

0 posted 2011-06-08 05:39 PM

My first ever poem.

'She'

Sown, in a fledgling heart
under all conceivable armour

Tested and entwined

I am unconquerable, I am boundless
I am a mercurial fool

Redressed, in reticent bloom
an exclusive anethema

Tendered and combined

you are she, you are no other
you are one, you are all

'He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man'

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

1 posted 2011-06-08 05:56 PM

Self-serving and that is a good thing. Strange quote for a signature you have.

~ Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.--Will Rogers ~

Geodesic
Junior Member

since 2011-06-08

Posts 13
England

2 posted 2011-06-08 06:15 PM

It is. I am stuck on the other half to counter this indulgent piece. Just throwing what I have out there.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

3 posted 2011-06-08 07:05 PM

Welcome to Pip, dear Michael!

I enjoyed reading your first offering. Quite complex for a first one as you say.

Beautiful!

Love,
Margherita

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2011-07-09 07:11 AM

I missed this when you first posted. Welcome to Passions!

Please check your email for a Very Special Greeting!

"The business of the poet...is to show the sorriness underlying the grandest things and the grandeur underlying the sorriest things." Thomas Hardy

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

5 posted 2011-07-09 05:24 PM

I'll share two potential epiphanies with you:

1. Moments of true Love or artistic inspiration are likely the only pure respite from our fear of death.

2. The artist's (the pantheon to which I include 'poets') true purpose is to seek an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

You display 'serious potential' in this 'first write'! ... (and personally, I am very glad NOT to see rhyming in it!)

write on!!

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

6 posted 2011-07-09 07:42 PM

Excellent writing, wow!!

Welcome to the blue pages~

Geodesic
Junior Member

since 2011-06-08

Posts 13
England

7 posted 2011-07-09 09:10 PM

Thank you for your positivity.

SHDP: 1. Sounds plausible. I'll find out at some point, possibly
2. Something has got to fill it.

Thank you. You probably won't like the reposted version 'untitled' then. In the main forum.

Serenade: Appreciated.

ps I have a sonnet that has slightly 'mature' language. Can't seem to be able post it anywhere?

Geodesic
Junior Member

since 2011-06-08

Posts 13
England

8 posted 2011-07-10 06:09 AM

If you so wish. My second ever piece is here.
/main/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Grok+This&number=63&DaysPrune=

Thanks Ladies and Gents.

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