I can see through this door

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2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

0 posted 2009-10-17 04:54 AM

I can see through this door,
forgive like a contortionist
echoes and bruises of your soul,
I can see you combing your black winding hair,
I can see a cause and effect like
the wind in the sails or a moving kiss,
I can see through this door
the lights and shadows of your heart,
I can see your contrasting silhouette,
I can see through this door,
I trust you.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2009-10-17 06:05 PM

A tender compassionate write, Yann.
You have a kind heart.

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

2 posted 2009-10-18 04:07 AM

Thanks Midnitsun for the warm comment.

yann

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2009-10-20 07:29 PM

Enjoyed...James

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

4 posted 2009-10-21 03:59 AM

thanks James

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

5 posted 2009-10-23 06:59 PM

I can see a cause and effect like
the wind in the sails or a moving kiss,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Very good Sir!!....Really loving this!!!

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

6 posted 2009-10-23 11:13 PM

Yann, you do not need eyes to see with! ~ You use your heart!

Linda

martiniat8
Senior Member

since 2003-06-21

Posts 897
Prague, Bohemia, Czech Republic

7 posted 2009-10-23 11:39 PM

Tres jolie, Yann!

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

8 posted 2009-10-24 08:37 AM

quote:
forgive like a contortionist
echoes and bruises of your soul,

Great imagery you share in this most lovely poem, dear Yann!

Love,
Margherita

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

9 posted 2009-10-25 12:02 PM

Dear Yann,

          I don't think so.

     It is sentimental, but doesn't take the necessary steps beyond that to become anything more than sentimental.  It is within your comfort zone, and, I suspect, within the comfort zones of everybody else.  It's not clear to me that there's anything of yourself at stake here.  You are easily a good enough writer to be able to be thinking of questions like that, at least on redrafts, which is the only place where any of us should be thinking about them anyway.

Best wishes, Bob Kaven

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

10 posted 2009-10-25 08:33 AM

thanks blue serenade, I am touched by the kind comment.

have a nice day

yann

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

11 posted 2009-10-25 08:34 AM

thanks Linda for the kind comment. you pronounced grateful words

regards

yann

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

12 posted 2009-10-25 08:35 AM

thanks a lot martiniat, I appreciate your french words, did you learn french at school ?

have a nice day

yann

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

13 posted 2009-10-25 08:36 AM

Margherita you are a so lovely person, always enjoy your concerned comments.

regards

yann

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

14 posted 2009-10-25 08:38 AM

Hello Bob, you are so true, this is not a poem written with guts but I enjoy it because it recalls me how pleasant it is to look at a woman in a bedroom who cares for herself, I have always been admirative of that and feel a lot of sweetness at watching that...

have a nice day , thanks for the kind comment.

yann

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

15 posted 2009-10-25 09:13 AM

2islander2 - you have struck a chord, that is, your words written are passionate, and to read them are a pleasure...

BC

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

16 posted 2009-10-27 04:52 AM

thanks Bill for the kind comment.

yann

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

17 posted 2009-10-31 02:45 AM

yann,

Your poetry touches me inside some place. It always interests me and I am amazed at how well you write in English. This is a wonderful poem and I am happy to bring it back to the top.

Alison

naturegirl
Member

since 2009-09-30

Posts 168
England

18 posted 2009-11-01 12:30 PM

i liked your imagery and the way you expressed something personal without going overboard, less is more? subtle?

who amongst us is so good that they can determine what or how we write? or how we relate a personal experience, it is just that, personal.

keep up the good work!

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