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Open Poetry #45
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Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana

0 posted 2009-10-13 09:18 AM


Just one more word
One more breath
One more dirge
That I might cheat death

Sometimes in dreaming
Time stops streaming
I must be dreaming
These thoughts conceiving

Just one more wish
One more night
One more kiss
To set things right

Missing the ghost of you again
Here you come again
Back to where we begin
This night will never end

Just one more time
One more day
One more night
Before I throw it away

Sometimes in trying
We both are left dying
I hear you crying
And vainly keep trying

Guilty of expressionless crimes
Both of us, sometimes

© Copyright 2009 Chalmette Guy - All Rights Reserved
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
1 posted 2009-10-13 10:10 AM


Just one more wish
One more night
One more kiss
To set things right

What beautiful ache you've written! These lines seem more a viewing of heart-tears than of ink... A simple cry, a fantastic write!

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere
2 posted 2009-10-13 11:45 AM


Sometimes in trying
We both are left dying
I hear you crying
And vainly keep trying

Guilty of expressionless crimes
Both of us, sometimes

Ouch! that hit me like a bad memory.  Good job! You nailed it(me) Were you a fly on my wall? Nothing like conjuring up a little post traumatic stress. Words are amazing. Write on!  

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana
3 posted 2009-10-13 11:53 AM


I was taking dictation.

Just kidding, thank you.

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
4 posted 2009-10-13 12:21 PM



Guilty of expressionless crimes
Both of us, sometimes
__________

aren't we all guilty of something?  

enjoyed this jer  


Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana
5 posted 2009-10-13 12:23 PM


What are YOU guilty of brneyed...?
brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
6 posted 2009-10-13 12:30 PM



I think it depends on who you talk to  


dragngrl28
Junior Member
since 2009-10-12
Posts 45
Texas, USA
7 posted 2009-10-13 08:30 PM


I enjoyed reading and thought that the structure of the poem was well done. Reading the poem reminded of relationships where I knew it just wasn't to be but I tried to force it into being 'the right one'.
Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana
8 posted 2009-10-14 08:21 AM


You, dragngrl, read this perfectly right.

Thank you for stopping by to look.

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