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Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

0 posted 2009-08-05 04:31 PM

Rag Doll

You bruise yourself on me.
I am the rock you hurl yourself at.
I am hard, I know that,
so do you,
But you are loose at the seams
And way to reckless of a
Poor little rag doll, to
Be running at a man like me.
I am everything you desperately want,
I am nothing you will ever need.

I will get blamed for your self infliction,
As men so often are,
As if it is always our task
To mend the broken, to save the lost.

Well I’m no savior
And certainly have never
Been confused with a saint
But I am at least honest
And won’t suffer much of you.

So flail your arms madly,
Let out a good long scream
Run headlong into my life
But when you fall apart,
My little rag doll,
Just don’t cry into my back
When I walk away.

Yoin

Just reworked my old poetry page. Check it out before geocities takes it down. Yoin

[This message has been edited by Yoinn (08-06-2009 04:58 AM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2009-08-05 10:20 PM

My only critique is to check your spelling, that takes away from the flow. But other than that...

quote:
I will get blamed for your self infliction,
As men so often are,
As if it is always our task
To mend the broken, to save the lost.

So true, so very true.

At least, for some men. This poem, perfected,
will only enhance your perpetual understanding
of the inequities of Venus/Mars.

I salute you!

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

2 posted 2009-08-06 12:45 PM

I don't think anyone (man or woman) is responsible for the happiness or contentment of another. There is wisdom in this poem that will probably be considered harsh by some.
Ida

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

3 posted 2009-08-06 01:53 AM

Yoinn,

I thnk this is a good poem. It has a strong message and you wrote it well. Maybe it will be preceived as harsh by some, but I see it as fed-up honest.

I like it.

A

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

4 posted 2009-08-06 05:27 AM

Thanks Sunshine for your reply and salute and for you sharp eye. I will tidy this up.

Thats what I get for doing editing after spell checking lol. Glad you liked it.

Yoin

Larry Silverstein bought the Twin Towers 5 mths before 911 bombing. He already owned bld 11. He took out "terrorist" ins on them. He won 500 million.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

5 posted 2009-08-06 01:28 PM

Yoinn - strong messages here, thoughts to ponder...

BC

D.Lester Young
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1219
Austin, Tx

6 posted 2009-08-06 03:57 PM

What is the tattered words being pieced together but life upon the quill of a poet upon great reflections of enjoying its presentation? But the HeArt of the Uni-Verse.

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

7 posted 2009-08-06 07:05 PM

Thanks all for your replies to this poem. This is honest (sorta harsh) poem but one that I needed to write and a topic that I needed to address. Ida you are right it really isn't a gender thing. Its about people who are always trying to find something in others to make them whole. They constantly make one bad mistake after another and seem to always put the blame on the other person when they fail. When the truth is they aren't in control of their life or have no idea what it is that they need. So even if they do manage to find a good person who cares, quite often they are so mixed up that it is they themselves that do most of the damage to union.

thanks again for your replies and thoughts on this... Yoin

Larry Silverstein bought the Twin Towers 5 mths before 911 bombing. He already owned bld 11. He took out "terrorist" ins on them. He won 500 million.

LindsayP
Member Elite

since 2007-07-28

Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria

8 posted 2009-08-08 09:11 PM

Hi Yoinn, I wasn't to sure about the poem
but after reading your above response,

I undwrstood it a lot better. Not one of your best but very thought provoking, well done.

Lindsay

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

9 posted 2009-08-08 11:14 PM

thank you Lindsay,

When writing about what goes on between people and the many different facets that are involved in a relationship the poem will always depend on what the reader brings to it. Writing about this is vastly different than writing about flowers or sunsets. It will resonate with some, and some it won't. What I am always sure of is I will get honesty from my friend Lindsay and what more could I ask.

be well my friend

Yoin

martiniat8
Senior Member

since 2003-06-21

Posts 897
Prague, Bohemia, Czech Republic

10 posted 2009-08-09 12:58 PM

wow, i think this is my favorite of yours, comes from a place of strength. I like real poetry, probably why Im a fan of yours.

PS I share your sentiments on rainbows and sunsets, but every once in a while they are soothing to the soul

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

11 posted 2009-08-09 08:53 AM

But you are loose at the seams
And way too reckless ~~~

great lines here

and although there are many like that, there are also many men/women who take advantage of the weak and needy

enjoyed your strength of words (and I agree that no one can make you whole)

M

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

12 posted 2009-08-09 09:12 AM

Thanks Martini,
For your thoughts, I am glad you liked it. Oh yes I agree about the poems of flowers and sunsets I didn't mean they don't have value, I was just pointing out that most people feel the same way towards them. Not many people will say "oh i disagree about flowers...they aren't pretty and rainbows really are ugly. See what I mean here.

Yoin

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite

since 2005-06-28

Posts 2187
Oregon

13 posted 2009-08-10 06:27 AM

Rag doll... that's an image that stirs angst within. They aren't like teddy bears, in their want, are they? You really touch on a consuming hunger that is difficult to survive and I've seen hardening become necessity in some instances.

Sunset and stars, moon beams and dance...then there are rag dolls and Goldilocks, and the little girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead.

Very effective poetry, strong imagery that deepens in the solarplexis.

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

14 posted 2009-08-10 08:20 AM

I guess I'd never considered love as synonomous to "mutual bruising"!  Hm...

"And won’t suffer much of you."   This leads me to think if not much, at least 'some' bruises will be suffered by both parties.  I think you're right; we tend to hurt a bti regardless when we see others hurt, for whatever reasons...

Although I thought the tone rather severe, I understand what you're saying.  Food for thought...

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

15 posted 2009-08-10 03:43 PM

Thanks Lassy

for your thoughts and reply.

Yoin

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

16 posted 2009-08-10 03:45 PM

thanks miscellanea,
for your thoughts. Severe emotions take severe poetry to do them justice.

Yoin

brneyedgrly
Senior Member

since 2009-06-08

Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere

17 posted 2009-08-10 09:32 PM

I don't write hearts and flowers either, yo

enjoyed your hard edges here

love ya,

berney

.

flesh, blood, bone, love...twisted

~ L. Hall

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

18 posted 2009-08-11 05:15 AM

thought provoking and rich, make me me think we have to govern ourselves, no matter the others are...I enjoyed it.

yann

GBride
Senior Member

since 2009-07-02

Posts 538

19 posted 2009-08-11 07:38 AM

This is a valid approach to life. Each to be dependant on their own resources. Of course if a person is collasped in the road you call 911.
There is a limit to those who expect you to fix up their lives. They are always needy. Even as I write this I have a 41 year old kid who won't speak to me because I won't give that kid money, to pay for their irresponsible choices.
But there has to be a limit. And to tell the truth: the way I feel right now, If I never see that kid again, it will be too soon.

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

20 posted 2009-08-11 07:42 PM

Thanks Berney

Always good to hear from ya

Yoin

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

21 posted 2009-08-11 07:43 PM

Thanks Yann,

If my writing makes people think...then Im happy.

Yoin

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

22 posted 2009-08-11 07:45 PM

Thank Gbride

for your reply, hope things get better for ya.

Yoin

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