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Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2009-11-13 05:25 PM

This is the after math of being inspired to draw a candy themed drawing, Jeffree Star's "Queen of the Club Scene", while chewing on a candy cane.

Enjoy?

Candy Coated Misery

You love your candy coated misery
And have a willingness to share
Those little heartache candy
Drizzled up in their despair

Wrapped in plastic disguise
Tie in their rainbow bows
Selling them for half a conscious
To all your loving foes

Smile a grin sweet as they taste
That nightmare reality of yours
Break their caramelized smile
They desperately try to restore

You love your candy coated chaos
Show them what's lurking inside
Not a gooey filling; but pain
That you refuse to hide

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

1 posted 2009-11-13 06:41 PM

wow zach, this has got to be probably one of the best i'v EVER read from you.
it has everything wonderfully amazing in it.
the style, the wording, the TITLE, and just the plain theme was very interesting to read.
i loved it!

library.

julianna

everyone's normal [until you get to know them]

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2009-11-14 12:15 PM

Thanks Julianna!!

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

3 posted 2009-11-14 01:04 PM

Pretty good stuff, Zach. Your poetry is interesting and I see so much growth in the construction.

Alison

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

4 posted 2009-11-14 05:46 PM

Thanks? Lol

Rosie_Orange
Junior Member

since 2009-04-20

Posts 46
South Africa

5 posted 2009-11-15 01:40 PM

WOW! i loved it... it made me feel like I was eight again, reading Charlie and The Chocolate Factory!

the metaphor is brilliant! and i like how it doesn't really have a happy ending, a twist in the tale?

Lost girl..

Find me?

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

6 posted 2009-11-15 02:39 PM

I really, really like this. I especially loved the first 2 stanzas. Lovely imagery and play on words. I felt the rythm was a little out in places, interrupting the flow. But overall, a good write.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

7 posted 2009-11-15 07:18 PM

Thanks everyone!

*gasp!* Octave comments my poem. :O lol. Thanks alot! Yes I'm not really good at rhythm. Each time I try to even it out I end up not being able to find the right words to say what I wanted.

-Zach

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

8 posted 2009-11-20 07:14 PM

A wonderful write, Zach! I loved it!

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

Stitches
Member

since 2009-11-27

Posts 159
United Kingdom

9 posted 2009-11-27 11:38 AM

Both the meaning and words are lovely.

Some great imagery.

I liked the last best.

x

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

10 posted 2010-05-09 11:35 AM

Thank you all for commenting! This by far is one of my favorites.

-Zach

okay... so I love strangers with candy :)

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