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Teen Poetry #9

Journey

kindredspirit
Member

since 2009-05-19

Posts 156

0 posted 2009-10-02 11:45 AM

Soaring in between the lines
She reads to leave herself behind
Stark reality paper thin
Black on white endeavors begin
Traipsing through windswept sand
Boldly crossing foreign lands
Star-crossed strangers fall in lust
Induced by fate to die in trust
Words fill up a personal void
Ellipse the boundaries we’ve employed
Oceans part between the lines
I read to leave the world behind.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2009-10-03 12:18 PM

Though some of the words/phrases seem a bit cliché, I think you caught the feel of the message and expressed it well. I enjoyed this immensely in that I was able to go, "Yes, this sounds like something I would do." I believe you were able to "relate" to the reader (audience) on a personal level. Which many people have trouble doing.

Thanks for sharing.

priyanka
Member

since 2009-06-15

Posts 216
india

2 posted 2009-10-04 06:28 PM

terrific write...

kindredspirit
Member

since 2009-05-19

Posts 156

3 posted 2009-10-05 11:38 AM

stargal- thankyou for the critique. i'm glad you were able to identify with my poem.

priyanka- yay! thanks, i'm glad you liked it.

Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

4 posted 2009-10-08 02:48 AM

Lol, the poem's like a journey to find yourself. So in a sense, a journey within a journey. XD

Good job!

There is power in the pen.

kindredspirit
Member

since 2009-05-19

Posts 156

5 posted 2009-10-08 11:46 AM

Assassin-Thanks!!

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