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Teen Poetry #9

Death on The Streets

Elias Nevermore
Member

since 2007-11-03

Posts 152

0 posted 2009-08-22 03:44 AM

Blood, splattered on the the streets,
while pigs gorge themselves on treats.
The rats scavenge for something to eat
until they can no longer move their feet.

Damn these pigs, these filthy swine,
who take pleasure in the loss of lives.
They persecute the mice who always try
to find meager meals to keep them alive.

Thousands of mice lay tired, unable to breathe
as a result of the swines' great greed.
This hunger is the fruit born of our seeds,
for we gave them power, and their right to feed.

As every last drop of food is consumed,
more mice will starve, for death is the mood
in a society where leeches always rule,
and the weak will always be there food.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;" -Edgar All

[This message has been edited by Elias Nevermore (08-22-2009 05:40 PM).]

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2009-08-22 10:19 AM

Your work has always interested me. And this caught my eye. I really liked this. (and going to put it in my library)

But "dead" and "greed" don't rhyme. Unless I'm pronouncing it wrong. I think you meant "weak" instead of "week" too.

-Zach

Elias Nevermore
Member

since 2007-11-03

Posts 152

2 posted 2009-08-22 05:42 PM

Thanx zach for pointing out the errors. I wrote the poem in a rush last night, so I overlooked some of the mistakes that you noticed. So I just fixed them right now.

I'm glad that you liked the poem.

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