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Teen Poetry #9

Rice

nehematala
Member

since 2009-05-21

Posts 129

0 posted 2009-05-29 02:24 PM

Each grain of rice
Represents a life
That never had a chance

A chance;
At life
To be
A mother or father
A daughter or son
A chance;
To be good at something
To be a friend
A chance;
To be needed
To be loved
To love
A chance;
To see the world
To feel;
The warm sun
The cool grass
The softness of a blanket
The comfort of a hand

Each grain of rice
Represents a life

[This message has been edited by nehematala (05-31-2009 12:46 AM).]

Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

1 posted 2009-08-21 03:10 AM

The title made me smile at first, but reading on, ur poem made me think a little (not too much, its rice after all...)

Haha, I wonder if i should stop eating so much rice. XD

But really, I loved ur examples. Though common (maybe even cliche), they work well and keep a constant rythym. That was something I enjoyed even more. The rythym was pretty smooth, kinda soothing.

I liked ur end as well. The repetition along with the subtle removal of a line really seemed to change the meaning overall. Left me with a positive feeling.

Thanks for ur interesting look on rice! XD

There is power in the pen.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

2 posted 2009-08-23 12:43 PM

I enjoyed reading this. It was real nice!

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

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