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Teen Poetry #9
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Untitled so far.
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Untitled so far. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois 
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As contrasting skin tones smear My eyes lost in your icy blue Color brushed against the canvas Marveling at all the hues As your hand laces within mine Warmth running down my nerves Stars shining in your eyes Where here I observe Your rosy lips brush lightly Against my porcelain skin Enticed by the unjust wrong Like any forbidden sin Thoughts whisper like a lullaby Your hand flutters against my cheek Setting my heart in flight And my knees growing weak My thoughts form on my lips "I love you" is all that's heard A smile created on you lips "I love you more" is all that's muttered. --------------------------------------------------- This is for my boyfriend, Johnny.  If anyone thinks of a title I'd love to know. [This message has been edited by Falling rain (08-12-2009 02:55 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
In the second to last line, I think you made a typo... you should be your. And in the last line, I would change "is all that's" to "is what's" but that's just me. It works well either way. Nice imagery and feeling, and also the emotion. Thanks for letting us see into your life. Rileigh |
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ninjawild Junior Member
since 2009-08-11
Posts 33u.s. army |
you put a lot of thought into it.. and as for a title heres my suggestion: "in the moment".. this is about holding hands, kissing, and teling your loved one that you love them.. its the feeling you get in the moment that sums up your overall feelings with them.. kudos.. |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
Hmmm I guess I should've added a suggestion. Mine is: Lost in Love Rileigh |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
*bump* |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
hows about "canvas of colors"? |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Ehhh.. I don't really want ot title it now. My boyfriend and ?I broke up so the poem is sort of a waste. *sigh* Oh well. It was good -Zach |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
:O I'm sorry. Your right, it is a good poem though. Rileigh |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Its okay. things will get better someday. |
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