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Teen Poetry #9
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Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2009-08-06 08:52 AM



She's the one who catches my breath
The shivers up and down my spine
The heat she casts upon my heart
Is burning yet I feel fine

The grip around my heart
The wings of my soul flying
Yet I can't help myself
Fear for going and trying

Her angelic voice sings
Lullaby's that put me at ease
Feather like touch brushing my skin
Doing what ever she please

She's the one who catches my breath
The shivers up and down my spine
The heat she casts upon my heart
Is burning yet I feel fine


--------------------------------------
Just trying to write something today. Tell me what you think about it.

© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891
Neverland
1 posted 2009-08-06 02:44 PM


I guess I owe you a reply.  
But to answer your question first, things are okay with me, not the greatest but whatever.
----------------
Nice write, I like it.

{~~*~~}


Lacrimosa Dies Illa
[Oh that tearful day]
    {~~*~~}

[This message has been edited by XxForever.BrokenxX (08-06-2009 03:20 PM).]

crosscountry83
Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345

2 posted 2009-08-12 01:59 PM


I think it has very good tone.  I think it should be "feather-like" not "feather like" though.

Rileigh

ninjawild
Junior Member
since 2009-08-11
Posts 33
u.s. army
3 posted 2009-08-13 06:56 PM


a nice read.. but i was wanting more.. i dont think you summed it all up in this short writing..
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