»
Main Forums
»
Teen Poetry #9
»
Fragile Crime
| Teen Poetry #9 |
|
Fragile Crime |
|
|
Octave Member
since 2008-07-29
Posts 186Highlands, Scotland. |
Fragile Crime Break my sanity Doesn't matter I'm not fragile I just shatter Crack the bonds That bind me be Mirrored fragments Set me free Destroy the cage That enrages me Sly glass splinters Such profanity This room to small Muscles tight Breaking through Its worth the fight Creeping cracks Line my skin My rage raw But shell so thin Break my sanity Doesn't matter I'm not fragile I just shatter |
||
| © Copyright 2009 Octave - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Assassin_of_Verse Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330that So Cal |
Concise, and powerful. I'm surprised that nobody has commented... Um, maybe punctuation could help? To me, ur poem was like an elegant rant. But the lack of punctuation left it at that. There is power in the pen. |
||
|
freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
Awesome!!! With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
||
|
Just.Another.Falling.Star Member
since 2008-05-08
Posts 422Canada |
This poem really intrigued me, it was really well written, but as AOV said earlier, some punctuation might have helped things along. This was a really great poem filled with very true meanings, i really enjoyed reading it! library ?ul!@nn@ |
||
Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
This is really good. But if you were going for a perfect rhythim then you were off on some lines. Work on the re-wording of the poems. Great work tho! -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
||
|
rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
wow...this was really good. great job! only a vampire can love you forever. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
