So easy to turn Dreams into Nightmares

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Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2009-01-10 07:00 PM

Light shines through the tree top canopy.
Golden feathered birds build their nest.
Meadows stretch far and wide.
Sun hanging in the west.

Honeydew fragrance lightens my soul.
White flowers brush up against my skin.
My silk dress flows and dances with the wind
bringing eternal peace from within.

Sitting by the bubbling spring
while the crickets hum their song.
The sky's colors are going black
The night is growing long.

The moon comes out from behind a cloud
Mysterious whispers in the night.
Filling my nerves with adrenaline
and my heart with darkened fright.

I hear the wolves howl up to the sky
A mournful terror in their cry
Blood hanging on their teeth
Cold air let out with a sigh.

I run past the trees and plants
Finding my own escape from this world
The dark is chasing after; running close
I can smell the flesh on his breath and feel the nails as they curl.

My dress gets caught and I feel their grip,
holding me down; waiting for me to scream
I'm trapped within a nightmare
I'm held captive in their scheme.

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

1 posted 2009-01-10 08:10 PM

I like the twist that you gave it; how everything just all of a sudden went wrong. Things like that make a poem real.
Great write..and kinda different (in a good way).

{~~*~~}

Miss.Emmalee

"Who the **** are you?!!?.. GET AWAY FROM MY LIMO!!"

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

2 posted 2009-01-11 08:01 AM

this was really interesting, but i loved it. you did an amazing scheme with the rhyming and everything turned out really well. great job! (library)

.:~]Julianna[~:.

waiting for you to notice me, touch me, hear me, love me...ask me for something other than gum.

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

3 posted 2009-01-12 05:19 AM

I cant ecascpe the nightmare, set me free. Your words are continuing to haunt me.

Words have power, Im going to unleash the power of my soul.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2009-01-12 10:34 AM

This was pretty good. I liked the imagery, you did a good job of painting the scene. My only criticisms are small. The lines in the first stanza are very abrupt, it makes it difficult to read fluidly.

"Finding my own escape from this world"

In this bit, "my own" is very redundant. You can just put "my" and that is sufficient enough for possession.

I did like how casually you rhymed things. Keep up the work.

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