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Teen Poetry #9

Can you feel?

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

0 posted 2009-01-08 07:27 PM

Can you feel any different
Left in this cold, cold world
Can you feel alive again
Left lost in your own war

You struggle
And you fall
Stuck, behind
The brick wall

You're cautious
But still bleed
You can move
But can't see

Can you feel my warm touch
Or are you paralyzed
When is it all enough
For you to realize

You can crawl
But won't stand
You will fall
But won't land

You're cautious
But still brake
You can feel
But it's fake

Can you feel; can you move
Stuck in this position
Your whole life is consumed
Left without decisions

You struggle
And you trip
Barely move
Unless whipped

You can feel
You can move
It's all real
If you choose

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

1 posted 2009-01-08 08:50 PM

Freeand2sexy, nice to see you posting again

You are improving. Even with irregular meter and slant rhymes, your poem has a nice flow and it reads well. Have a marvelous day! Mark

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

2 posted 2009-01-08 08:54 PM

this was really good!!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

wwzwlmd8
Member

since 2006-09-23

Posts 96
San Diego,CA

3 posted 2009-01-12 04:52 PM

I LIKED IT A LOT

~Indya

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