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Teen Poetry #9

Left In The Rain

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2009-05-13 09:52 PM

Cloud weeps in agony
Its tears soaked in the ground
While lightening crashes
Thunder makings its roaring sound

You can't find my tears
Concealed within the rain
Bloody as it pulse
Beating senseless through pain

Falling through the cracks
Blood trickles across the stones
In the gutter my feelings go
Shattered my heart and bones

A lost heart torn from my sleeves
Beating louder than thunder
Mistakes caught in the fabric
Leaving me here to wonder

As the sky grows darker
The blood cease to flow
My heart a metronome
Stops its solemn tempo

[This message has been edited by Falling rain (05-14-2009 08:02 AM).]

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

1 posted 2009-05-14 03:26 PM

I don't think the stanzas fit right with each other and I think the rhythm is off a bit, just my opinion, though.

The tips of my fingers
Start to bleed the thoughts
That overwhelm me

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

2 posted 2009-05-14 10:13 PM

library

{~~*~~}

Lacrimosa Dies Illa
[Oh that tearful day]
{~~*~~}

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

3 posted 2009-05-15 12:53 PM

oh zach, this is...unbelievable. i love it, the imagry and everything you put in my head is wonderful. great job on this one.

library.

julianna

.:.:~]you clicked your heals and wished for me[~:.:.

nehematala
Member

since 2009-05-21

Posts 129

4 posted 2009-05-31 03:51 PM

wow I am having a hard time finding the right word here (a hard thing to do for me)

If you don't like something,
Change it...
If you can't change it,
Change the way you think about it

UNTAMEDelegance
Member

since 2009-05-30

Posts 222
Oregon

5 posted 2009-06-01 12:43 PM

This is a truly beautiful poem. The power that's captured within the words is completely stunning. There were a couple of places that I had to reread, but this is really, really amazing!=^.^=

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