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freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

0 posted 2009-05-08 11:57 AM

Let your knees
Ease gently to the floor.
Let your arms
Lean against the white wooden door.

Whisper through the key hole.
Breathe out your burdens.
I’m listening.

Let your fingers
Slip under the door.
Let the damage
Spill on the poor pasty floor.

Whisper through the key hole.
Breathe out your burdens.

I'm here,
Kneeling on the other side.

The tips of my fingers
Start to bleed the thoughts
That overwhelm me

prettypinkrebel
Member

since 2007-11-07

Posts 104

1 posted 2009-05-08 01:00 PM

Hey I like it

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

2 posted 2009-05-08 03:49 PM

Ha!  Christine, you definitely "get" it.

This is simply beautiful, and such originality.  Maybe it could work without the parentheses?

Sorry I can't say much more right now, schedule a bit tough at the moment.  More time this weekend I hope.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

3 posted 2009-05-08 04:14 PM

Yeah, I guess it does work without the parentheses, I'll change it then.

The tips of my fingers
Start to bleed the thoughts
That overwhelm me

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

4 posted 2009-05-08 09:16 PM

Awww.. I really like this hon.

-Zach

I love my crayons. :D lol

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

5 posted 2009-05-09 12:11 PM

Thanks Zach!

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

6 posted 2009-05-09 12:48 PM

I thought this was lovely. It's simplicity and honesty made me smile.

Grinch
Member Elite

since 2005-12-31

Posts 2929
Whoville

7 posted 2009-05-09 12:54 PM

Nice poem.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

8 posted 2009-05-09 07:42 PM

Thanks, Octave, I'm glad it made you smile!

The tips of my fingers
Start to bleed the thoughts
That overwhelm me

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

9 posted 2009-05-09 07:43 PM

Thank you, Grinch!

The tips of my fingers
Start to bleed the thoughts
That overwhelm me

Kalysta
Junior Member

since 2009-04-02

Posts 41
Ohio

10 posted 2009-05-10 07:02 PM

Hey i really liked this. Great write!!!!!!!

~Kalysta~

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

11 posted 2009-05-11 01:29 PM

Thanks, Kalysta!

The tips of my fingers
Start to bleed the thoughts
That overwhelm me

Kalysta
Junior Member

since 2009-04-02

Posts 41
Ohio

12 posted 2009-05-18 09:39 PM

No problem Christine. LOL I really enjoyed reading it. Keep ip the amazing poetry or I'm going to get you. LOL JK.

~Kalysta~

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

13 posted 2009-05-18 09:44 PM

Lol, I'll try to.

The tips of my fingers
Start to bleed the thoughts
That overwhelm me

Kalysta
Junior Member

since 2009-04-02

Posts 41
Ohio

14 posted 2009-05-19 09:37 PM

Thats all we can ask.
~Kalysta~

~Kalysta~

nehematala
Member

since 2009-05-21

Posts 129

15 posted 2009-05-29 06:09 PM

I love this poem it really reminds me of a few years back but i don't want to get into that but i really understand what you mean

If you don't like something,
Change it...
If you can't change it,
Change the way you think about it

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

16 posted 2009-05-29 07:59 PM

Thanks!!

The tips of my fingers
Start to bleed the thoughts
That overwhelm me

sweet_darling
New Member

since 2009-06-11

Posts 2
canada

17 posted 2009-06-11 10:45 PM

I love the way you wrote this poem. it makes me want to talk to you too!
*chels

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

18 posted 2009-06-18 07:02 PM

Thank you!

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

kindredspirit
Member

since 2009-05-19

Posts 156

19 posted 2009-06-20 10:44 AM

a beautiful and compelling write!

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

20 posted 2009-06-23 02:04 PM

Thanks!

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

21 posted 2009-06-23 05:56 PM

I don't mind how many people bring this to the top - it's still one of the best poems I've ever seen at PiP.

You should have a go at this when you have time:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/series/poetryworkshop

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